Fate Touhou
by RusselH
Summary: After the Third Lunarian Invasion, Yukari gained seven mysterious markings on her hand. Of course, she knows what they are, and summoned servants to participate in the 5th Grail War, only now it's a Fate Apocrypha, pitting Fate Servants versus Touhou characters. Ratings may change to M.
1. Servant Stats Sheet

**Servant Stats Sheet (WIP)**

* * *

 **Class: Saber**

True Name: Youmu Konpaku

Title: Gardner of Hakugyokurou

Nature: Lawful Neutral

Gender: Female

Species: Half Spirit

Strength: C (D) {B}

Endurance: D (E) {C}

Agility: A (B)

Magic: B {A}

Luck: E {D}

Noble Phantasm: C (B) {B}

 _Taken during the Night_

 _() when during the day_

 _{} when under Yuyuko's Perfect Cherry Blossom_

 **Class Skill**

Magic Resistance – C  
As an inhabitant of Gensokyo, the magic in the rich environment allows Youmu to take on more magic damage than any other human beings. Also, this is a skill trait typical to all Saber classes.

 **Personal Skills**

Danmaku – B  
Youmu is adept in fighting against enemies, for during the Imperishable Night Incident the player can play as Youmu. Once charged, Youmu can release the spell card, Human Sign "Slash of Present World"

Phantom Half – B  
As a special trait to her race class, Youmu can use her other half to block incoming damage. However, that other half is unable to fully migrate damage from B ranked Noble Phantasms or higher.

Undead – D  
Youmu is a special case in which she is not fully resurrected because she was half human. Thus, she count as an Undead and she becomes more vulnerable to Exorcism spells. Also, all her stats except for her magic and luck suffers a rank down during the day.

Eye of Mind (Fake) – C  
As a swordsman who had practiced her whole life practicing, Youmu gained the ability to anticipate any attacks coming and foresee the battle.

 **Noble Phantasm**

Roukanken - C (Anti-Unit)  
This is a blade made by Youkai, a blade which can cut through anything  
This blade has the unique ability of being able to cut through anything except for Noble Phantasms nor prana formations..

Hakurouken – B (Anti-Unit)

I can cut through spirits, something which can't be cut.  
Youmu cuts with Hakurouken, which is a weapon that can cut through astatized Servants and disrupt any prana formations. However, it requires Youmu to pause for two seconds before releasing.

 **Marisa's Grimoire's Description of Youmu Konpaku  
** _Youmu is one the best swordsperson I ever met. In a straight sword fight against an enemy, it is highly likely that Youmu can beat he or she in skills alone. It's kind of relief to know that her monstrous skills in the sword doesn't apply to her magic as well. Phew._

* * *

 **Class: Archer**

True Name: Reimu Hakurei

Title: Hakurei Shrine Maiden, Incident Solver of Gensokyo

Nature: Chaotic Evil

Gender: Female

Species: Human

Strength: D (B) {EX}

Endurance: C (A) {EX}

Agility: B (A) {EX}

Magic: A {EX}

Luck: B {EX}

Noble Phantasm: EX

 _() Under the Blessings of The Storm Gods_

 _{} Under her Undefeated Maiden_

 **Class Skill**

Independent Action – C  
Reimu tends to follow her own orders, not anyone's else.

Magic Resistance – A  
Reimu has the blessing from Hakurei, thus giving her an absurd amount of magic resistance

Item Creation – D  
Reimu is adept in creating magical talismans, and these talismans had a varying amount of abilities,

 **Personal Skill**

Danmaku – EX  
As the main problem solver of Gensokyo, her ability to dodge far outmatches anyone in the battlefield. Also, her spellcard's recharge time is absurd, so her Danmkau skills make Reimu one major pain in the ass to kill. Her spellcard is Spirit Sign "Fantasy Orb"

Exorcism – B  
Typical to all Shrine Maidens, she possess the ability to purify evil. This leads to Reimu being a hard counter to all Chaotic Servants, but also means that her Exorcism skills doesn't work well against Lawful Servants.

Blessing of the Storm Gods – A  
Reimu is unnaturally gifted with the powers of the Gods. When in rough weather conditions, Reimu's stats rises under harsh conditions.

Pioneer of the Stars – B  
Without Reimu, it could be stated that the whole of Gensokyo would be already destroyed. She fought against hell and heaven and won, thus satisfying the requirements to be able to make the impossible happen.

Double Summon  
Reimu is a shrine maiden, and normally most Shrine Maidens are Casters. Reimu is like most of these Shrine Maidens, and thus on the field she acts like a Caster as well.

 **Noble Phantasm**

Hakurei Shrine – EX (Anti-World)  
 _Did you say...donations? Wait, another incident? Aw come on, I just solved one a month ago, and now another?_  
This is arguably one the best and worst Noble Phantasm in all of history. Reimu's powers mostly come from the Hakurei's God and thus, from his shrine. It can be stated that Reimu could take on the world here.

The shrine can only be destroyed by a Noble Phantasm or a Mystic Code, and every non-Magi would have a mild impulse to donate money to a pitiful Shrine Maiden. Reimu can only create the Hakurei Shrine once per day.  
Reimu gains these skills on the Hakurei Shrine:

1\. The Undefeated Maiden: Reimu can never be defeated on the Hakurei Shrine. Depending on the circumstances, all her stats have a chance to rise to EX and makes it impossible to hurt her in anyway.

2\. Tools of the Incident's Solver: On her shrine, Reimu has unlimited access to her Gohei, Talismans, and Needles. Off the shrine she can only hold up a certain amount of weapons.

Gohei – Staff that is imbued with insane amount of knockback

Talismans – Allow her to attack at range, empowers her exorcism skills into one of Rank A

Needles – Allow her to attack at range, tracking weapons that are the banes of servants with high agility

3\. Spirit Sign Fantasy Seal, Rank A Anti-Army Noble Phantasm. On the Hakurei Shrine, Reimu can use this ability as many times as she wants on the enemy. However, it cannot kill other Servants but rather incapacities them.

4\. Shrine Maiden of Tranquility: Reimu can never seek out a fight outside of her Shrine. She can only make offensive movements on her shrine, never outside. The only exception to this is if one destroys the Hakurei Shrine, Reimu is free to punish the home-wrecker.

 **Marisa's Grimoire's Description of Reimu Hakurei**  
 _I would hate to be on the bad side of Reimu. Especially if you mess with her donation box. Her needles and her seals hurt a lot. At least she doesn't actively seek to fight others, not like some battle nuts in Gensokyo._

* * *

 **Class: Lancer**

True Name: Remilia Scarlet

Titles: Mistress of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, Vampire of Gensokyo

Nature: Chaotic Evil

Gender: Female

Species: Vampire

Strength: C (E) {A}

Endurance: C (E) {A}

Agility: C (E) {A}

Magic: C (E) {A}

Luck: N/A

Noble Phantasm: EX

 _Dawn/Dusk_

 _() Day time_

 _{} Night time_

 **Class Skill**

Magic Resistance – B  
Remilia is an inhabitant of Gensokyo, and you can see her in the forefront of every massive engagement

Battle Continuation – E  
Remilia is a vampire that continues to fight even if all is lost; however, this skill doesn't really grant Remilia much abilities due to the nature of her summoning

 **Personal Skill**

Danmaku – A  
Remilia is one of the strongest Youkais of Gensokyo, rivaling those of the Four Devas and of Yukari Yakumo. She is very adept in dodging spells and attacks, and her spellcard Scarlet Night "Red the Nightless Castle" charges very quickly. Not as fast as Reimu's, but close enough.

Independent Action – B  
Remilia is a very strong willed servant, and reining her is near impossible without a command seal

Vampirism – A  
Remilia is a vampire, thus allowing her to regenerate at an absurd speed and granting her high stats. However, these are negated under the sun, and although she can survive under the sun all her stats are at the lowest. She can transform into a bat due to her vampire nature.

Vampire of Fate – EX  
Remilia can never be affected by the effects of a Noble Phantasm or Mystic Code

Ever Loyal Servant - A  
If Sakuya is participating in the Grail War, than Remilia can summon Sakuya to her side no matter the circumstances

 **Noble Phantasm**

Gugnir – B (Anti-Army)  
Let's see what happens if I unleash this on an ant. Oh? Dead already?  
The main skill that Remilia has, she can charge up this weapon and fire, leaving devastation in the wake. However, this weapon has a long charge up, and when Noble Phantasm disappates, Remilia's Danmaku Rank would drop to E

Manipulation of Fate – EX (Anti-Unit)  
Luck does not exist. Fate does, though, for everyone.  
For Remilia, there is no such thing as luck. Everything is determined by fate, and Remilia controls fate. All servants in her surrounding vicinity would have a N/A for Luck, and Remilia can grant which servants are blessed or cursed by fate. If a servant has E ranked Luck, Remilia can force the opposing servant to do an action once per night as long as it doesn't involve committing suicide. A servant with A ranked Magic Resistance can resist Remilia's Noble Phantasm, and a Command Seal can counteract Remilia's order. Upon being ordered, for the rest of the night the Servant's Stats would temporary double. This ability cannot be used on allied Servants if Remilia is summoned in a Fate Apocrypha.

 **Marisa's Grimoire's Description of Remilia Scarlet**  
 _Thankfully she likes excitement in her life. Otherwise I would probably have disappeared from existence the next time I try and invade her library. I mean, serious, she controls freaking fate!_

* * *

 **Class: Rider**

True Name: Marisa Kirisame

Title: Black and White Magician, Magician of Love and Magic

Nature: Chaotic Good

Gender: Female

Species: Human

Strength: D

Endurance: C

Agility: B

Luck: A

Noble Phantasm: C (B) {A}

 _() When flustered or excited_

 _{} When angry or battle-driven state_

 **Class Skill**

Riding (A)  
There is not much to be stated about her ability to find a weapon and use it. Even if it means crashing a vehicle into the opponent.

 **Personal Skill**  
Danmaku – A  
Marisa, on her off days, help Reimu solve incidents around Gensokyo (and causing them too!), thus her Danmaku is given a high rank. Her Spellcard is Love Sign "Non-Directional Laser"

Magic Resistance – B  
As a resident of Gensokyo, Marisa developed a massive resistance against magic.

Independent Action – A  
It's virtually impossible to command Marisa to stop stealing books from the Scarlet Devil Mansion. However, due to her high Independent Action Marisa is very adept in dealing with situations without her Master, and have a high chance of surviving in a sticky situation.

Kleptomania – A  
Marisa has the mental disorder in which is called Kleptomania. If there's something precious that Marisa doesn't even need in the first place, Marisa would strive her best to borrow, cough cough, steal that item from its owner. And Marisa could use that stolen item very well, especially if it involves a weapon involving mass destruction.  
Due to this skill, Marisa would also have the tendency to wander around, trying to find items to steal from. Currently, Marisa had attracted an affinity to books, so most of the time Marisa would spend her time robbing Libraries.

Alchemy – C  
Marisa had mastered the arts of Alchemy to the best of what she could have done as a human in her life time.

Love Magic – E (D) {C}  
Marisa's main forte, this is what she normally uses against the residents of Gensokyo. The more her emotions grow, the much stronger her attacks become. If Marisa was calm, this skill is only at C ranked. If Marisa is flustered or excited, her Love Magic ups by one. If Marisa is angry or battle-driven state, it's power rivals those of famous Noble Phantasms.

 **Noble Phantasms**

Mini-Hakkero – C (B) {A}  
 _BOOM! EAT MY LOVE!_  
Marisa's most notable weapon of Gensokyo, her mini-Hakkero is a rip off from Yuuka Kazami's. This weapon's power is based off the power ranking of her Love Magic; the higher the rank Love Magic rises to, the more destructive it becomes. However, this weapon consume a lot of Marisa's prana, so she only uses this in sticky situations.  
It is noted that whenever Marisa uses her mini-Hakkero, Marisa must invoke "Love Sign, Master Spark!"

Broom – E  
 _WHEEEEEE!_  
Marisa could uses a broom to fly in the sky.

 **Marisa's Grimoire's Description of Marisa Kirisame**  
 _And that's me! The Black and White Witch of Gensokyo, one of the strongest humans there is! My main forte, Master Spark, is based on my feelings that day. And for everyone reading, I am telling you, I'm planning to return my borrowed goods. You can have them back when I die. I even wrote it in my will!_

* * *

 **Class: Berserker**

True Name: Fujiwara no Mokou

Title: The Phoenix of Gensokyo, The Immortal of Eintei

Nature: Lawful Evil

Gender: Female

Species: Human?

Strength: B (A)

Endurance: A

Agility: C (B)

Magic: B (A)

Luck: E

Noble Phantasm: N/A

 _() Under Madness Enhancement_

 **Class Skill**

Madness Enhancement - B  
Mokou was famous for her berserking state whenever she meets Kaguya, thus the Holy Grail had given Mokou the abilities of a Berserker. Whenever someone mentions Kaguya in front of Mokou, Mokou would give in to her rage and indiscriminately attack everyone around her, her strength, agility, and magic having a ranked up in stats.

Avenger – B  
Mokou excludes a fiery aura that burns any attempts to try and debuff those under her protection, thus any attempts made to reduce the stats of her allies would fail as long as the allies are around her.

 **Personal Skills**

Danmaku – A  
Mokou had lived centuries in Gensokyo, honing her skills in Danamku. In the Imperishble Night incident, it was shown that Fujiwara no Mokou could keep up with Yukari Yakumo, the oldest Youkai in Gensokyo, Reimu Hakurei, the strongest human, Marisa Kirisame, the Black and White Witch, Alice Margatroid, the Dollmaker, Remilia Scarlet, the Scarlet Devil, Sakuya Izayoi, The Time Mistress, Yuyuko Saigyouji, the Princess of the Netherworld, and Youmu, the Gardner of _, all at the same time. However, Mokou heavily relies on her immortality to take on lethal attacks, thus making her potential rank EX drops to only a Rank A. Her spell card she uses as a bomb is Flame Sign "Phoenix's Super-High-Temperature Feathers"

Manipulation of Fire – A  
Mokou had met a Phoenix in her travels around the world, and that Phoenix had given her the ability to wield fire. It is said that fire loves her, thus making all fire attacks against her useless.

Magic Skills – C  
Since Mokou didn't really have anything as the years drag on and on, the immortal decided to master other arts of magic.

Immortal Revenge – A  
Mokou had given up her humanity and everything for the sake of revenge, thus it is said that Mokou was part Avenger Class. Thus, Immortal Revenge acts like a Double Summon, only that Mokou is not summoned as another caster but rather, an Avenger Class Servant.

Blazing Heart – A  
Mokou is known as the symbol of the sun itself, rewarding those Lawful and punishing those Chaotic. All Lawful Servants will see a rank up in stats, but all Chaotic Servants will suffer a rank down. This does ability does not apply to luck or Noble Phantasm, and cannot be applied to herself.

 **Noble Fantasm**

Hourai Doll – EX (Anti-Self)  
 _This...is a curse. I want to die, but I know I can't die. Still, I wish to die. And in the case that I have the chance to die, I wish to drag Kaguya with me to the pits of hell. That way, the two Hourai Dolls could suffer forever, together._  
Mokou cannot die completely. No matter how many times you kill her, she always come back from the grave. The Holy Grail War had summoned Fujiwara no Mokou with her immortality still intact, but had made it possible to defeat her. If Mokou was hit with 10 Anti-Fortress Noble Phantasm or 1 Anti-World Noble Phantasm, than Mokou would return back to Gensokyo.

 **Marisa's Grimoire's Description of Fujiwara no Mokou**  
 _She was a monster to defeat in Gensokyo. Her immortality is so potent that even when Yukari unleashed an attack that had more firepower than_ _my Master Spark, Mokou just simply smiled and kept on the offense. We were lucky that Mokou still feels pain; would have made it impossible to defeat._

* * *

 **Servant: Caster**

True Name: Yuyuko Saigyouji

Titles: Ghost Princess of the Netherworld

Nature: Neutral Neutral

Gender: Female

Species: Human/Ghost

Strength: E/NA

Endurance: E/NA

Agility: E/NA

Magic: EX

Luck: C

Noble Phantasm: A

 **Class Skills**

N/A

 **Personal Skills**

Danmaku – A  
Even though her agility is virtually the worst in Gensokyo, Yuyuko doesn't need to move when attacking. Instead, she stays in one place and when she is attacked Yuyuko would activate her fan that soaks up all damage. This only works against projectile attacks. If the fan absorbs enough damage, Yuyuko can activate _, and this could repeat twice until the fan is broken and Yuyuko's Danmaku Skill is broken

Undead – EX  
Unlike other undead classes, since Yuyuko was fully reincarnated she suffers no disadvantages or advantages from this class. Instead, since this skill is very high when Yuyuko dies, her spiritual body still exists, at the cost of her strength, endurance, and agility.

Border of Life and Death – C  
Yuyuko summons her Fan unleash a hail rain of Danmaku bullets on the enemy, cost her a lot of magic

 **Noble Phantasm**

Reality Marble "Perfect Cherry Blossom"  
 _"When I shall die, please bury me under the tree. The tree of death that took my life."_  
Yuyuko can only use this ability when she is dead. Upon incanting the above phrase, everyone in the immediate vicinity would be transported to Hakugyokurou, in the spot where Yuyuko gave up her life to restrain the Saigyouji from killing everyone.

Under her Reality Marble, all Servants with the personal skill would receive a rank up in Stats except for the caster herself. Yuyuko's Border of Life and Death would rank up to A rank and the cost of activating Border of Life and Death would be eliminated.  
Saigyouji would periodically release floating Butterflies of Death, and only those with Great Luck, Great Magic, or Pioneer of the Stars Stat can survive a touch from one of these Butterflies. Without these skills or stats, the Servant would be instakilled upon contact. This does not affect allied Servants.  
Even if a servant survived upon contact, the servant would be imbued with a special status; the closer the affected servant approaches Saigyouji, the slower they will move or attack.

In this Reality Marble, Yuyuko cannot be killed unless a Servant uses a Noble Phantasm 1 meter from her.

 **Marisa's Grimoire's Description of Yuyuko _**  
 _If it wasn't for Reimu da ze, I would have been killed in that incident! Yuyuko is very terrifying because she is the Princess of the Netherworld, thus having total control over Life and Death! Luckily, Reimu bailed me out and defeated Yuyuko at the same time._

* * *

 **Class: Assassin**

True Name: Sakuya Izayoi

Titles: Maid of the Scarlet Devil, Manipulator of Time

Nature: Chaotic Good

Gender: Female

Species: Chaotic Good

Strength: D

Endurance: D

Agility: C

Magic: E

Luck: D

Noble Phantasm: EX

 **Class Skills**

Presence Concealment (B)  
Her ability to sneak up on Meiling when she's sleeping is legendary. It is very hard to detect Sakuya, and normally, it's not you want to meet her. It is she wants to meet you.

 **Personal Skills**

Danmaku (A)

The Ever Loyal Mistress (D)  
Sakuya can never attack Remilia Scarlet. If a master commands her to do so by using a command seal, than the command seals would automatically transfer over to Remilia.

Space Manipulation (B)  
Sakuya can control the distortion of space on all inanimate objects. However, she can only do it instantaneously with her knives; anything else would require concentration for her to manipulate.

Time Manipulation (B)  
Sakuya can stop time for two seconds and throw her knives at the enemy or dodge an attack

 **Noble Phantasm**

Lunar Dial – EX (Anti-World)  
 _Illusionary World, Stop!_  
Sakuya forces the whole world to stop around her. Only Allied Servants or Servants with A or B ranked Magic Resistance can move freely around in this space. Servants with C ranked Magic Resistance can move only very sluggishly but still aware that the world stopped, and Servants with D ranked Magic Resistance or below would freeze as well.  
Sakuya can use this ability as much as possible, but she must recite the following incantation above to activate.  
The main downside to this ability is that a command seal needs to be used for Sakuya to freely use this Noble Phantasm through the night

Renewal of Time – A (Anti-Self)  
I require a leash to stop my powers. It doesn't make me any more lethal though.  
If a command seal is used to allow the free use of Lunar Dial, than at the end of the night Sakuya's master would regain that command seal UNLESS Sakuya uses Lunar Dial more than three times in a night

 **Marisa's Grimorie's Description of Sakuya Izayoi  
** _Although at times she's more scarier than Remilia on a bad day, she's actually pretty nice. She hides me in my Library Incursions from Patchy. But, as I found out the hard way, get on her bad side and she'll stab fifty million knives in you, all the time smiling._

 **Author's Note**

And finished!


	2. Fate StayTouhou?

Chapter 1 Fate Stay…Touhou?

.

.

.

I do not own Touhou or Fate/Stay Night

* * *

"HEH HEH HEH!" Yukari laughed out, scaring Ran and Chen nearby.

"What is it?" Ran asked.

In response, Yukari flashed her hand a bunch of markings. "This means that I get to participate in the Heaven's Feel Ritual!"

"Heaven's Feel?" Chen asked, and Yukari smiled.

"The Heaven's Feel ritual is a ritual in which seven people from legends battle in a death match to see a dream fulfilled." Yukari smiled.

"Like, um, Reimu?" Ran asked.

Reimu and Marisa died a long time ago, perished in a battle against Lunarians in the third Lunarian Invasion. In fact, most of over world Gensokyo died except for a few powerful Youkais such as Suika and Yuugi. The Netherworld and Old Hell remained in one piece during the invasion, which was a miracle to say to least.

Reimu was among the first casualties of the war, when the Lunarians suddenly declared war on Gensokyo and invaded with their forces during the winter. Marisa fell at the same time with Reimu, who was at the shrine when the Lunarians descended on the shrine. Those two friends died quickly, without even knowing what the situation was.

The Human Village was the next to fall. Almost every single human being fought to the last, with the last one dying was Keine. Mokou managed to survive the onslaught, and continued fighting against the Lunarians with the rest of Eintei, who survived destruction. Alice, who was nearby, was caught up in the conflict and perished in the fighting.

The Scarlet Devil Mansion fell too, with all of its inhabitants putting up a massive struggle before the sheer force and advanced technology overwhelmed the last two defenders of the mansion, Flandre and Remilia. Moriya Shrine was destroyed the next day, but Sanae and the two Gods survived, even though the god's powers were weakened.

Yukari woke up the moment in which the Moriya Shrine was destroyed, and decided to mount a counterattack on the Lunarians the second she learned of the news. With help from the Four Devas of the Mountain and Utsuho from Old Hell, Yukari used the time bought from them in order to cast a spell that banished the Lunarians to the moon. A side effect of this was that Gensokyo would never have a chance to invade the moon, but it was either that or the Lunarians conquering all of Gensokyo.

The results were immediate. The barrier started to collapse, and it was only by the timely intervention of Yukari and one of the few human survivors of the attack that the Hakurei Shrine and the Great Barrier was fixed. The human village was utterly devastated, so thus Gensokyo's economy collapsed. However, humans and Youkais are a resilient bunch, and they managed to restore Gensokyo's economy over a long period of time. The Scarlet Devil Mansion was never built again, but the Moriya Shrine was enacted once more, and thus that Shrine became the more dominant one in Gensokyo.

It was such a long time ago, but Yukari still remembered how she screamed in agony when she realized that her favorite shrine maiden was no longer in the living. But now? Now she had a chance to revive her.

"Yes, just like Reimu." Yukari said with a forlorn smile, "Now, hmmmm, I better ask him what the ritual was."

With that, Yukari leaned out into a portal and that was faint whisps of conversation. It was only than interrupted with a loud "WHHAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTT! YOU'RE A MASTER!"

At that moment, Yukari grabbed the person who she was talking to, and pulled him into Gensokyo, showing an old, man with red eyes and white hair.

"You're a master? Yukari Yakumo?" The man, aka Zeltrech, said. "Okay, I'm calling this cheat. No way you'll be beaten."

"I won't participate in the battle themselves." Yukari said, and Zeltrech gave a sigh of relief. "I believe that this grail war is going to be Fate Approcrayhpa, in which Team Red fights Team Black. And I'm Team Black. In fact, I have all of them."

"Alright, alright. I'll tell the damn ritual." Zeltech said, leaned over to create, a portal of his own and grabbed an old sheet. "I'll draw the circle.

* * *

 _Let silver and steel be the essence._

 _Let stone and the archduke of contracts be the foundation._

 _Let black be the color I pay tribute to._

 _Let rise a wall against the wind that shall fall._

 _Let the four cardinal gates close._

 _Let the three-forked road from the crown reaching unto the Kingdom rotate._

 _Let it be declared now;_

 _your flesh shall serve under me, and my fate shall be with your sword._

 _Submit to the beckoning of the Holy Grail._

 _Answer, if you would submit to this will and this truthn_

 _An oath shall be sworn here._

 _I shall attain all virtues of all of Heaven;_

 _I shall have dominion over all evils of all of Hell._

 _From the Seventh Heaven, attended to by three great words of power,_

 _come forth from the ring of restraint, protector of the holy balance!_

There was shaking, and a smoke started billowing. Ran and Chen were looking aptly into the smoke.

"GOD DAMNIT YUKARI! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP HERE!" There was a loud roar in the smoke, and Yukari and Zeltrech started laughing.

"Eh, Reimu is that you?"

"Marisa?"

"Cough cough, too much damn smoke for my liking."

"Milady?"

"Sakuya? You're alive?"

"It is, mistress. And I'm alive."

"Hey where the hell am I?"

"Lady Yuyuko? Where are you?"

"You're touching me."

"But, I'm touching you with my human half…"

"I'm alive?"

"Can somebody answer my question!"

"Mokou?"

"No, I'm a spoiled princess. OF COURSE I'M MOKOU!"

"Hey Reimu, you did yell something about Yukari right?"

"It's mostly because of that Gap Hag's fault. Once this smoke clears, I'm going to kill her."

"What's with this knowledge of the, Holy Grial. Hmmmm, I'll steal it da ze!"

"No you won't! It probably cost five million dollars!"

 _Crash!_

"Oi, you two break it up. Or else I'll break it up."

"SHUT UP BIRD!"

"SHUT IT!"

"Oh you asked for it now. It's on!"

"Sakuya?"

"Mistress?"

"It's getting too loud."

"Understood."

"THERE'S A DAGGER IN MY HEAD – oh wait I'm immortal."

"Lady Yuyuko, why are Reimu and Marisa alive?"

"I have no idea. Just watch the fireworks happen. Bring me some food."

"Of course, when the smoke clears up."

Yukari made a motion with her hand, and the smoke flew apart to see Mokou embedded with a couple of dozen knives, Reimu holding a sealing exorcist sign against Marisa who pulled out her broom and proceeded to whack Sakuya who had Reimu at knife point. Remilia was just sitting on the side alongside with Yuyuko, and Yomnu was using her sword to help clear the smoke.

"Hello everyone. It's been a long time." Yukari smiled, and Reimu's hostility was changed to Yukari.

"Yukari, what is this?" She asked.

"What's what?"

"Troll, what is going on? And what's the deal with, with a holy grail?"

"It's a long story." Yukari smiled, "Zeltrech, would you mind explaining?"

* * *

"So basically it is a death match to win a wish. I know! I wish for all the money in the world!"

"Idiot. You should change it to 'I wish for everything in this world.'" Marisa corrected Reimu.

"Hmmmm, maybe I wish for the whole Scarlet Devil Mansion back." Reimu muttered, and Sakuya nodded.

"I wish for more food!" Yuyuko cried. Youmu gave her master a glance.

"How much food do you want, lady?" She retorted.

"Finally! A way to kill that lunar bitch!" Mokou said.

"Mokou, why are you in this competition in the first place?" Reimu asked.

"I don't know. One moment that bitch was killing me, the next I'm here. Any clues Yukari?"

Yukari smiled. "Most likely when this ritual was finished you were in a state of deadness and thus this ritual brought you back to life. But more importantly, I want to know everyone's stats. Youmu, you first."

"Alright." Youmu said, "My servant class is Saber. I have C ranked Strength, D ranked Endurance, A ranked Agility, B ranked Magic, E rank luck, and C ranked Noble Phantasm. I am lawful neutral, and my following skills are; Danmaku Rank C, Magic Resistance Ranked C, Phantom Half, which allows me to block attacks below Rank B with my spirit half, Undead Ranked C, I'm more powerful at night than at day and more vulnerable to Holy Damage, and Eye of Mind Fake Rank B, which allows me to predict a certain amount of attacks. And my noble Phantasm is called Slash of the Undead, a C ranked Anti-unit Phantasm that allows me to cut anything living, even if the other's noble Phantasm makes one an undead. It has a side effect of ignoring, prana formation? However, it takes three seconds for me to charge up and use."

"Hmmmm, Archer?" Yukari smiled. Youmu was a perfect Saber who can deal out a lot of DPS. Her noble phantasm doesn't seem to cost much energy, and, if needed, use her Phantom Half to negate damage or use Eye of Mind True to predict attack and counterattack if need be. However, the main weakness of her class was that she was vulnerable to holy damage, and her Noble Phantasm required time to fire off, thus allowing other enemies to dodge.

Reimu stepped forward. "Servant Archer. Strength Ranked D, A ranked Endurance, A ranked agility, A ranked Magic, B ranked luck, and EX ranked Noble Phantasm. I am…Chaotic Evil?" Yukari died laughing. "Eh, moving on. My personal skills are Danmaku ranked EX, Independent Action Rank C, Magic Resistance ranked A, Exorcism ranked B, which gives me the ability to destroy evil and damage Chaotic servants massively while only mildly harming Lawful, Pioneer of the Stars Rank B, which makes events that are impossible possible, Blessing of the Storm Gods, in which raises by strength and endurance stat by two ranks while agility by one,Double Summon, which means that I also acts as a Caster, and Item Creation, Rank C which I can create items to mainly hide our Servant presences. And I have one general EX Noble Phantasm called Hakurei Shrine. This allows me to set up a shrine similar to the one in Gensokyo, and it has many effects. The first one is that all tourists will have a mild impulse to donate – YES! I'LL SET UP IT RIGHT NOW!" And Yukari died laughing.

"Wait, to a pitiful shrine Maiden?! Oi! That's rude! Moving on, the actual effect is that enemy in this shrine would experience all stats lowered by a rank, and every ally to have a slight increase in all stats. Also, within this shrine several skills are bestowed on me. Let's see…hmmmmm. Wow, that's...a lot of skills.

"I'll start off with the most powerful. The Hakruei Shrine Maiden, as long as I am on the Hakurei Shrine, I can never be defeated. So, essentially, it raises all my stats to EX on the shrine. Wowww, that's overpowered. Um, the second is I can use Spirit Sign Fantasy Seal as many time as I want in the Harukeri Shrine, which the attack is an A ranked Anti-Army Noble Phantasm. Third, I can use all my weapons available at the Hakurei shrine, which includes my Gohei, Seals, and Persuasive Needles. My Gohei is imbued with knockback properties, my Seals increases the potency of my Exorcism magic, and my Persuasive Needles lock onto an enemy and follow. But, the main downside of Hakurei Shrine, wow that's mean. The skill is Shrine Maiden of Tranquility, in which I do not actively sough combat. So, I am always bounded to a Hakurei Shrine, and I can never attack an enemy UNLESS that enemy destroys the shrine with any Noble Phantasm."

Well, Remiu became the definition of the most annoying servant in the whole war to defeat in. In a straight one on one battle, Reimu would utterly crush the opponent's hope of winning, but on a two on one when only one of the opponents destroy the shrine, Reimu stands zero chance of winning. Reimu is the ultimate Turtle in this war, where she'll stay at the shrine until a challenger approaches. And if the challenger possesses no Noble Phantsm or Mystic Code that could potentially break the Hakurei Shrine, Reimu's Hakurei Shrine Maiden Ability would physically make it impossible for the enemy to win. If they do destroy the Shrine, well. Reimu's insane Magic Resistance and stats makes her an absolute terror for the enemy. Also, Reimu still possesses her weapons, the most effective being the Persuasive Needle, which tracks down the enemy no matter what and are the bane of all Agility Classes. Gohei and Talismans served to increase her Exorcism Skills, so the only one that could stay on the defensive against Reimu is Lawful units. However, this is under the assumption that Reimu's Shrine is destroyed. If it is not destroyed, Reimu can't go on the offensive, thus allowing the opposing team to wait till the end of the war to deal with Reimu. And when Reimu's shrine is destroyed, she can only target the one who destroyed the shrine; she can't go against another Servant on the sidelines. So, the main trick involving Reimu is baiting the enemy into knowing Reimu's invincibility on shrine while not allowing them to know Shrine Maiden of Tranquility. "Remilia?" Yukari moved on.

Remilia than pushed aside Reimu, who started complaining about the rough treatment. "Servant Class Lancer. I am chaotic evil. All stats are C ranked during dawn and dusk; however, my luck stat does not have a rank and my Noble Phantasm is EX. My skills, hmmm. Danmaku Ranked A, Magic Resistance Ranked C, Independent Action Rank B, Vampirism Ranked A, which makes turn all my stats into E ranked stats, but in night time turn all my stats into A rank. Also, this allows me to turn into a bat during the night as well. My main personal skill is Vampire of Fate, an EX ranked skill in which I can never be affected by the effects of a Noble Phantasm, Mystic Code, magecraft, or magic, thus meaning I must fall by magic or blade. Another Rank A personal skill that I possess is related to my servant, the Ever Loyal Servant, in which I can call upon Sakuya to me no matter the time or circumstance.I have two Noble Phantasm: B ranked Gugnir, which is Anti-Fortress because I can release this and destroy everything in the wake. However, using this require time to charge up, and once it's devastation subsides my Danmaku Stats will drop to E and my Vampirism of Fate would be disabled. My other Noble Phantasm Manipulation of Fate, an EX ranked Anti-Unit one. Its ability turns all Servant Luck stats into nothing, and I could change what they are on my whim. If I turned a servant's Luck Status into E rank, I can order them to do an action once per night. Once ordered, their Luck Stats will turn back to normally, and the opponent momentarily increase their stats by twice. However, I can't force the servants to commit suicide. And I can only use it against enemy servants, not allied. Youch. That's going to hurt."

Yukari looked at Remilia. She's a monster. She can be classified as an Anti-Servant Servant, for her Vampire of Fate turns the battlefield as long as the opponent relies on using Noble Phantasms to beat her down. She's truly overpowered in the night, but her Manipulation of Fate can prove to be at times a double edge weapon. If she uses it, a master could waste a command seal in an effort to counteract that Noble Phantasm, and the opposing servant would have twice their stats, making it nigh impossible to kill. Luckily, she can summon Sakuya and have her delay the enemy while Remilia escapes. Her Vampirism would make it look like she's a weakling; however, once revealed her skill Vampirism, everyone will target her in the daytime. Also, her independent Action may make Remilia an annoying Servant to deal with. "Rider?"

"That's me!" Marisa smiled. "Servant Rider, at your service. I'm chaotic good! I have D ranked Strength, C ranked Endurance, B ranked Agility, A ranked Magic, A ranked Luck, and C ranked Noble Phantasm. My personal skills are A class riding, because I have a broom! A ranked Danmaku, B ranked magic resistance, A ranked Independent Action, A ranked Kleptomania in which I could steal the enemy's noble phantasm and use it before having to relinquish it but at the same time I have a sudden urge all the time to rob a Library. Can't use it on B ranked Noble Phantasms are lower, because it's not precious enough. I also have C ranked Alchemy and E ranked Love Magic. However, if I get more and more emotional Love Magic turns into C rank. And my Noble Phantasm is Love Sign Master Spark, a C ranked Anti-Fortress Noble Phantasm, which blasts the crap of everything in its way! It's ranking level also increases if I get more and more flustered."

Marisa was the wildcard of the team. On one hand, she can continuously spam attacks at the opponent, and her EX ranked Magic coupled with A ranked Kleptomania would cause endless amount of Grief for the opponent. Nothing could prove more annoying that having to face your own Noble Phantasm. However, that Kleptomania would cause her to wander around, and being alone versus seven servants, yeah Marisa would die than. Also, servants holding B ranked Noble Phantasms are still pretty powerful, and can pound Marisa into the ground. "Berserker?"

"That's me." Mokou sighed. "I'm Lawful Evil, makes sense due to my back ground. My endurance stat is Ranked A, my agility ranked C, my luck ranked E, and the other stats ranked B, though I have no stat for Noble Phantasm because I don't have any. My skills are Danmaku ranked A, Madness Enhancement B ranked, which ranks up all my stats except Luck to A but at the same time I lose my reason. Activated whenever someone says, um, that lunar bitch's name out loud. A ranked manipulation of fire, C ranked manipulation of other magic, and EX ranked Hourai Doll, which allows me to live through any attack. However, there is a limit; if I get hit by an Anti-World or ten Anti-Fortress Weapons, I will die. I have the skill Immortal Vengeance, which means I also double summon as Servant…Avenger? What? Anyways, being Servant class Avenger prevents allied servants from being debuffed and the cost of me using Noble Phantasms decreases, but I don't really have any Noble Phantasms. I also have the skill of Blazing Heart, which increases the stats of all Lawful servants in the area and decreases the stats of all Chaotic servants."

Mokou's abilities are clear as day to the enemy, yet that does not make her any less powerful. Her immortality would make it truly a massive pain to kill, but many Servants carry around Anti-Fortress Noble Phantasm. When pitted against someone without an Anti-World or Anti-Fortress Noble Phantasm, she's truly a terror to deal with. Even if the opponent has an anti-fortress Noble Phantasm, Mokou could activate her Madness Enhancement and bore through the pain of the Anti-Fortress killing her once while taking out the enemy. Interesting. She'll be perfect as a test against other opponents. "Caster." Yukari said, and Yuyuko stood up.

"Servant Caster." Yuyuko smiled, "E ranked strength, E ranked Endurance, E ranked Agility, EX ranked Magic, C ranked Luck, and A ranked Noble Phantasm. I'm Neutral all the way, and my skills are A ranked Danmaku, EX ranked Undead which makes it so that even if my real body dies, I still exist as a ghost and will only go away if I get smacked by an Exorcist spell or an Anti-Unit Noble Phantasm. However, as a ghost all my stats will become nothing except Magic and Noble Phantasm. Hmmm, I'll keep my body thank you. My Noble Phantasm is not a Noble Phantasm, but rather what people call a Reality Marble that only I could use in my ghost state. It's called 'Perfect Cherry Blossom', and my starting incantation is 'When I shall die, please bury me underneath a Cherry Tree. The Cherry Tree of Death, its power no longer is.' In that reality marble if a butterfly touches a living person than that person shall die unless that person possesses extraordinary magic resistance, magic power, luck, or Pioneer of the Stars skill. And all people who are undead in this area will receive a boost in which all stats increase by a whole letter grade."

Okay, so it's established. Wherever Yuyuko goes, Youmu goes as well. Perfect Cherry Blossom is a very powerful Reality Marble boosting Youmu's powers, and Youmu, to be honest, does not have very decent stats. Yuyuko benefits from dying early on, but as Yuyuko said, she rather keep her body to enjoy her meager strength, agility, and endurance. Yuyuko is an offensive caster while Reimu is a defensive one. Against multiple weak enemies, Yuyuko can beat them but against a strong one, she will fall easily and that's where Youmu fits in, to defeat the strong one. "And finally, Sakuya?"

"Yes, I am servant class Assassin." Sakuya started, "I am chaotic good. My stats are: D ranked strength, D ranked Endurance, C ranked Agility, E ranked magic, D ranked Luck, and EX Noble Phantasm. My skills are: Danmaku, rank B. Presense Concealment, Rank C. I can't be detected by other servants unless I reveal myself. The Ever Loyal Mistress, Rank D. I can never attack Mistress on my free will. If someone uses a command seal to, the command seals will automatically transfer over to Mistress. Space manipulation, Rank B. I can shrink or enlarge non-animate objects. Time Manipulation, Rank B. I can stop time for a moment and throw my knives. However, I cannot do it for an extremely long period of time. That's where my main Noble Phantasm lies. Its name is 'Lunar Dial', and it is an Anti-Army EX Noble Phantasm. When activated, all time stops for as long as I need to. All I have to do is to pull out my clock and say 'Illusionary World. Stop.' If the opponent has D rank or below magic resistance, my ability completely stops their movement. If the opponent has C rank magic resistance, that person could move with extremely slow speed. A and B rank magic resistance, and the time stopping ability is completely useless."

Sakuya's ability relies on a swift victory and the opponent's magic resistance. She is perfect in probing the enemy's magic resistance ability and not having them realize at all. If the enemy has no magic resistance, well, it could be said that the person would be dead immediately. If the enemy does, than she relies on other people to deal with the enemy. Also, her…relationship with Remilia is very interesting. Remilia and Sakuya can never stand against each other; they always must be on the same team. Remilia, therefore, counts as two servants; whoever snags Remilia snags Sakuya as well. This is a double-edge sword, for the enemy could steal Remilia and steal Sakuya as well. But Sakuya could never be stolen and be forced to fight against Remilia.

"Hmmmmm." Yukari muttered, "Well, this is an interesting match up."

You would never see all these servants in a straight up Holy Grail War; only in Team Battles. Remilia and Sakuya are interlinked, same as Yuyuko and Youmu. All these servants have one same skill; Danmaku. Danmaku, as Zeltrech told Yukari, in the Nasuverse Universe is different. Basically, with the Danmaku skill the character is granted the ability to graze blows, magical or physical. If the person grazes enough shots without getting hit, they could unleash a spell card onto the enemy that destroys all projectiles and knockback any enemy in the vicinity, devastating the enemy's health. The higher rank Danmaku is, the fewer amounts of shots required to unleash spell cards and the higher chance that the person could avoid a hit.

For team tactics, hmmmm. Yuyuko and Youmu should operate as the offensive group, Sakuya and Mokou would act as prelimary scouts against the opponent until they know which enemies are the greatest threat, and move to neutralize. Marisa can not be accounted in the strategy, Reimu too if the opponent catches on to her abilities early on in the war. And Remilia should act like a reserve, bringing the pain to the enemy when they activate their Noble Phantasms.

Weaknesses of the team. Yuyuko can't use her Reality Marble without sacrificing her body, Youmu is a balanced but weak servant stats wise. Sakuya can't do much against enemies with high magic resistance, Marisa's Kleptomania would lead to her early defeat. Reimu can't go on the offensive, Mokou accidentally debuffs her allies because most of her allies are Chaotic. And Remilia, when panicking, buffs the opponents.

Strengths of the team. Yuyuko is superior in magic power, Youmu is capable body guard of Yuyuko, Remilia ignores Noble Phantasms, Sakuya can stop time, Reimu is a monster in defensive and when counterattacking, Marisa would turn the Servant's greatest strengths against themselves, and Mokou is immortal.

All in all, Yukari can't really complain about her team, because their strengths outweigh their weaknesses. Also, it was an added bonus to have Reimu back on the field, all the fun times they could have together, heh heh.

"Yeah." Zeltrech said, "Compared to the other servants participating in this Holy Grail War, your servant's abilities are broke. If the opponent doesn't really have good magic resistance, well they will completely dominate the battlefield."

"They still have some weaknesses." Yukari responded back, "But I see your point"

"Good." Zeltrech smiled, "I'll send you into my world 5 years right after the 4th Holy Grail War, and 5 years to the 5th Holy Grail War I'll create alibis for all of you, by, umm, threatening the Clock Tower? Nah, will just scare some poor officer. But don't worry about legal issues, I'll take care of it. Yukari, do you wish to be sent along with them?"

Yukari nodded. "Yes, it's been a long time since I spent some…proper time with Reimu." Reimu shivered. "However, I'm requesting for you to allow me to come back to Gensokyo as often as I want to; I won't bring any more visitors, but I do wish to check up with the situation of the new Hakurei shrine maiden once in a while."

"Sure." Zeltrech waved, "I'll send you guys right now. Anything you guys want?"

"Oh oh! I want you to transfer all my books-" Marisa started, but Zeltrech just grinned.

"Too many books, so no. And bye," Zeltrech snapped his finger, and with that, the whole world turned pitch black.

* * *

Author's Note

So yeah, I decided to take a little break from my Immortal Familiars fanfiction and published this beauty! Whether or not it continues depends on the reviews. So, drop a review commenting should I continue or should I just utterly abandon this story. And please tell me what changes I should make to the stats of the servants, for I feel like Reimu's EX ranked Magic Resistance and her EX ranked Fantasy Seal is just HAX.

This is RusselH, signing out!

Author's Note 2

Wow, okay, did major revision. That. Was. Painful. Buffed some characters, debuffed some others. Kept Youmu the same. From one of the advice of the reviewer, I decided to introduce a little bit more about the Third Lunarian Invasion. Hoped they'll happy.

I'm still debating whether or not should I continue or should I let this story be a place for all my wild fantasies to run loose. More reviews, please.

I'm sorry for all the confusing stats, one day I'll make a Stats page for all the Touhou Servants. So, I'll set up a survey; do you want the survey be the first page, or the second page? First time doing so, may take me at least three days to create the Stats page.

Well, I'm doing this late at night, after a long day at school.

This is RusselH, signing out!


	3. A Shrine's Maiden Girl's Problem

Chapter 2 A Shrine's Maiden Girl Problems

.

.

I do not own Touhou or Fate Stay Night

* * *

"Ahhhhhh, this is the life I wish for." Reimu said as she lied down on her new patio. "No more worries about money, no more worries about Youkais, and best thing of all? No more Incidents! This is so peaceful."

"I'm glad you like it." Yukari smiled as she appeared right next to her, "Glad you're abusing your Noble Phantasm in public as much as possible."

Reimu simply smiled. "Oh shut it, Yukari." Reimu said sweetly, "You know what happens if you give me a chance to rob others of their money. I'll take it." When it came to money, there's no such thing as morals for her any more.

It had been two years in which Zelretch teleported them to Fuyuki City. In that year, all servants from Gensokyo started working for money since, well, Yukari and Zelretch refused them of any funds.

They were definitely laughing at the servants scrambling to get money to survive in Fuyuki City.

For Reimu, well, she had set up her Hakurei shrine on top of Faith Mountain. It was easily outstripping the one on Mount Enzo's in terms of visitors, and Reimu was receiving money via donation. Nothing said about using her Noble Phantasm. None at all.

For Marisa, she has become a free lance Chemist who takes on a variety of jobs. Probably using her Alchemy skills. She often drops by, saying that she has found a better job. And running off again.

Recently there was a series of crimes occurring in Fuyuki City, of a black and white witch stealing all the books in the library. Also more notable was that when Reimu visited Marisa's apartment, it was crammed filled with overdue library books. Wasn't hard to connect the dots. Too lazy to scold her for it, though.

For Remilia, she was currently introduced in the clock tower as Zelretch's adopted daughter. Reimu never directly heard what chaos Remilia and Zelretch were wrecking, but it was to the point in which the big shot lady from the Clock Tower came directly to her and appealed to stop the vampire. Reimu's answer, well.

"Me stopping two ultimate vampires on the loose? Too much fuss. I'm going back to nap."

And thus, the Clock Tower was plunged into even deeper despair.

Remilia sent a Thank You letter to Reimu for staying out of the conflict. Reimu's reason? She didn't really give a care to the upright Magi in the Clocktower. Remilia's prank may make them much more relax. They were all stiff when they visited Reimu.

Sakuya was alongside with Remilia. Last time Reimu heard from her, Sakuya was obediently serving tea to Remilia as she watches when everybody's food turned into bats. Looks like she was doing well.

On a side note, it became a well known challenge in the Clock Tower to test if Sakuya managed to master the 5th True Magic. So they sent Aoko Aozaki to probe. Sakuya later said in a letter that Aozaki actually beats Sakuya in terms of pulling off time stop faster, but Sakuya beats Aozaki in terms of her space manipulation, spellcards, and reaction speed. Both of them quickly became friends, and whenever Aoko visits Sakuya, Sakuya bakes cookies for her.

Reimu did ask Sakuya to stop her mistress if she went too far, and Sakuya did agree. So, no worries about the Clock Tower; Sakuya would lessen the damage of those two vampires if their pranks go wrong. Hopefully.

Yuyuko became a food critic. It became soon a wide known legend in the culinary world that this monstrous of a woman would take on any food challenge whether it be the spiciest, or the most, or the sweetest, and she'll win. Also, her reviews about the food were so precise that it became an unofficial practice for professional connoisseur to come after Yuyuko drops off a good review.

She gets a lot of money from restaurants all over the world to get her to visit. And so she does.

On Reimu's point of view, Yuyuko just got money accidentally. Just by eating. It got to the point that there was an unofficial challenge of restaurants to create a dish that would satisfy the forever-eating Netherworld Princess. Of course, that provided no problems for her, and that made her reputation even larger. And thus, a never ending circle of eating and despair.

Youmu was in charge of Yuyuko's traveling schedule and waking her up. At the restaurant at times, when Yuyuko complain about a dish, Youmu barges into the kitchen and help any struggling chefs to fix the problems that Yuyuko pointed out. So, while Yuyuko becomes the chef's worst nightmare, Youmu was the light in front of them.

When Yuyuko is in her fancy mansion, typing up a food review, Reimu always find Youmu in the garden, trimming the branches. Looks like she never get a break from being called the Gardener of the "Hakugyokurou."

Mokou became a tour guide around Fuyuki City. Although at first many of the tourists felt a bit of fear from her, she became well-known for a gentle nature and her quirky sense of humor. And also her ability to never get lost in this city. Seriously.

As a side note, during the night Mokou took on a job at a Chinese restaurant, mainly as a chef. She was well known in Fuyuki's China Town that when it comes to Fried Food, come to Fujiwara Mokou.

"Better than Gensokyo, huh?" Yukari said, "Do you ever miss it?"

"Do I ever miss it? Of course I do." Reimu snapped back, "But, I don't miss it that much. How's the new Hakurei Shrine Maiden?"

"Oh, she was ever so surprised that her burden in sustaining the Hakurei Border had dropped significantly in the last past four years. She asked me is this my doing, but I always stated that it must be one of your predecessors watching over you."

Reimu smiled. "I have to meet her one day." By inadvertly creating another Hakurei Shrine in the outside world, the pressure of maintaining the Shrine inside Gensokyo dropped significantly. This was Reimu's saying that she still had a duty to do, even after her death.

"Well, I'm off to find more sake." Yukari said as she retreated back into one of her gaps, "See you soon!" And with that, the gap closed and the gap hag was no longer seen.

All in all, the whole world was so nice. Nice and relaxing. But little did she knew that the next day fate started changing.

* * *

"Hmmmm?" Reimu belatedly woke up from her mid-afternoon as she noticed a malicious being appear right at the bottom of Faith Mountain.

"Irritating." Reimu frowned as she quickly prepared her exorcism charms. "Let's get this done over with. My tea is getting cold."

With that, Reimu quickly ran down the temple steps, her Gohai in hand, her charms hidden underneath her sleeve, when she saw a purple haired student loitering around the steps of Hakurei shrine. She…was the source of the evil but….how could she be the source of evil with that kind face? Need a bit more investigating.

"Hello!" Reimu put her Gohai on the ground and smiled at the student. "Welcome to Hakurei Shrine. Do you need help?"

The student leapt from the ground, and looked at Reimu straight into her eyes. "Yes," The girl said and bowed, "I need some spiritualty help regarding my life. May, may I come into this shrine?"

The girl sounded so hesistant, but so sure of herself. So, Reimu nodded and started walking up the stairs. "Business is going slow today." Reimu noted, "I'll prepare some tea up in the shrine. Do you want some?"

* * *

"So here's the deal. You want to be close to your senpai because you love him, but yet you don't want to be close at the same time because you don't want to hurt him."

The girl nodded furiously, and than sipped her tea. "What should I do, Hakurei-sama?"

Reimu closed her eyes, and sighed. This girl, Sakura, was in a tricky situation. So, Reimu decided to go what her heart says. "Well, if I were you, I would jump on him, confess to him, and have sex with him."

Sakura's face quickly turned red, and started shaking her head furiously. "No, we're too young! We can't do such immoral things! I'm sorry, but I'm just ten years old! I haven't, no, I'm not prepare! Although I'm ready to become his wife….no that's not the point! Hakurei-sama! We shouldn't talk about such, such, um, things here…."

Reimu just raised one of her eyebrows, and sighed again. "Well, I wish you best of luck. You should tell this boy you love him, and see where things lead you. Also, tell him of your deep dark secret; if he doesn't, well, he's not fit of being a boyfriend in the first place."

Sakura was the one doing the sighing now. "But I can't. Because, he promised to be a hero of justice. And…I'm supporting him all the way. But, but he learns of my secret, he'll throw me away. Please, Hakurei-sama, what should I do?"

Girl troubles. That's why Reimu never fell in love. "That's all the advice I can give you." Reimu said, "It's getting dark. Shouldn't you be returning home?"

In that instant, Reimu saw darkness flickered in Sakura's eyes, and disappeared. "Yeah." Sakura whispered, "They'll be worried."

Sakura stood up and bowed deeply to Reimu. "Thank you for your advice, Maiden-sama."

Reimu simply smiled. "I do have a gift for you." Reimu said quietly, and Sakura looked back up to see Reimu planting a paper talisman on Sakura's face.

* * *

Sakura, Sakura had felt pain before. She had endured being eaten out by worms in her body, she had survived being raped by her older brother, she had lived through being thrown away from her loving family for the sake of magecraft.

But, this kind of pain was electrifying. Yet, so soothing.

After what felt like a century of paradoxical pain, it stopped, and Sakura collapsed on the ground.

"There we go." She dimly heard the shrine maiden said, "Now, what to do with this woman?"

And Sakura fainted.

* * *

 **Author's Note**

I'm finsihed. I'm finished editing my Gensokyo servants. I know that they are all broken to hell, but damn it, they have glaring weaknesses.

Youmu - One good Noble Phantasm and that's GG

Reimu - The Last Boss of the Game, can't attack until provoked

Remilia - Can't defend herself during the daylight, so must rely on Sakuya. So, a person with high magic resistance attacking them both in the day? GG

Marisa- Can get whacked with a B ranked Noble Phantasm, will be vulnerable in her periods of wandering around Fuyuki City

Mokou - No Noble Phantasm, will lose all reason when hearing Kaguya, will lose in a war of attrition in a long drawn out Holy Grail War (lives do not regenerate, unlike Berserker)

Yuyuko - Magic Resistance is death of her

Sakuya - Same as Yuyuko

Overall - the weakness for this team is dealing with opponent with magic resistance.

This chapter was interesting to write, for I had to think about the different Touhou character's jobs. Remilia and pranks, this would be interesting to see in Gensokyo.

And lastly, I'm planning to put this project ahead of The Immortal Familiars, because this story interests me heavily. So, I will most likely continue writing this story at the cost of Immortal Familairs.

This is RusselH, signing out!


	4. The Shrine Maiden's New Daughter

Chapter 3 The Shrine's Maiden New Daughter

.

.

I do not own Touhou or Fate/Stay Night

* * *

"Well, well, well! Reimu, you possess a heart!" Yukari smiled as she looked at the sleeping purple-hair visitor through a gap.

Reimu grunted. "Sakura asked me to solve her problems. I solved it. Case solved." Reimu said, and resumed back to sweeping. Seriously, those disgusting worms should have been exorcised when that girl stepped onto the property.

"Do you know about her backstory?" Yukari started and Reimu looked at Yukari. Seeing that she had no other company other than that gap hag, Reimu nodded.

"Well, this girl was originally Sakura Toshaka. However, her father, Tokiomi Toshaka, gave her away to Zouken Matou for the sake of magecraft. Now, Zouken was the definition of a monster, for he had thrown Sakura right into a pit of worms so that he could control her every actions. The worms were the embodiments of Zouken, thus granting him a state of immortality. And these worms fed on Sakura's flesh, and took her virginity away. Every night she's thrown into this worm pit, having her body act like food for those worms.

"To control the wild, sexual impulses imposed by the worms, Zouken had his grandson, another monster who could not use magecraft, to rape her every night. The only saving grace that allowed Sakura to keep onto her last vestiges of her sanity was a young boy called Emiya Shirou and his dream of becoming a Hero of Justice." With that, Yukari clicked her tongue. "I just learned this recently from Zelretch, sooooooo, do you want me to burn the Matous to the ground?"

Reimu looked at Yukari, and shook her head. "Not yet. I rather have the sleeping girl determine what to do with the Matous. After all, she's the victim in this mess."

"Alright." Yukari looked a bit miffed, "What happens if Zouken or his grandson Shinji knocks on the doorstep of your shrine in the meantime?"

Reimu looked at Yukari. "If they appear here when Sakura's sleeping, you deal with them. If they appear when Sakura is awake and requesting me to chase them off, I'll fantasy seal them. Deal?"

Yukari nodded. "Let's hope that these bastards appear right now. I have a fitting punishment for them."

* * *

Sakura woke up on a warm bed. It, it was so warm. And it was a bed. It had been centuries she was on a bed. So, why was she one right now?

"Oh, she's awake now Reimu. Pity. They haven't appeared yet." Someone said dejectly.

"Don't worry Yukari. They'll be in a world of pain if they try and come to take Sakura back with force." Reimu? What is she talking about? "I'll send them flying to the next dimension if need be."

"Be sure to send it to Gensokyo!" Yukari, she believed, said. "The Youkais would have fun eating them alive!"

"Just leave, Yukari." Reimu stated, "I'll check on her. Hey, Sakura? Are you alright?"

"Where," Sakura started off timidly as she opened her eyes. In front of her was a wooden ceiling and a very worried shrine maiden. Yukari was no where to be seen, but that was fine. "Am I?"

Reimu sighed. "Right now I'm forcibly kidnapping you from your family so, please, please, please don't kill me."

Kidnapping? Family? What?

"Serious, even I had to do something about those damn worms in your body. What kind of sick freaks would do such a thing?"

Worms? Wait, how did she know about the worms? Was she, was she?

"Are you a magus?" Sakura said ,and Reimu cranked her head towards Sakura.

"No, I'm a Heroic Servant." Reimu replied, and Sakura gasped. A, a Heroic Servant? But, aren't they only supposed to appear in the Holy Grail War! But, but –

"I'm summoned very early, the 5th Holy Grail War is Fate Apocrypha, I'm just doing my good deed of my day kind of stuff. Being a Heroic Spirit and all, I purified you because you wished for it, anything else you want to add on?"

All those terms ran through Sakura'a head. Fate Apocrypha, she never heard of that phrase before. But mentioning the 5th Holy Grail War, that provided at least a solid understanding that the woman before her was a genuine shrine maiden.

"Now, you have two options. One, you can go back to your mansion and have those worms implanted in you again. Or two, you can stay here and enjoy my protection until that old man shows up and I blast him into the next dimension. We'll decide what happens afterwards if you chose the latter."

Decision? What? Old Man? Does she mean Zouken? But, but.

The confusion must have shown in Sakura's eyes, for Reimu simply sighed and muttered why couldn't her life just be as simple as before.

* * *

"Do. You. Understand. Now?" Reimu annunciated her words very carefully. And in response? Sakura broke into tears.

"Yes, Reimu-sama. Yes." Sakura cried tears of joys and relief. "I understand!"

Reimu grunted. "Good." She said. It was the fifth time explaining everything to her, and after Sakura managed to figure out that yes, she is no longer under the cruel manipulation of Zouken, yes, she could live a life with the person she loves, and yes, she can be finally free, Sakura started crying.

"Now, there's someone at the gate." Reimu said as the tears finally subsided after half an hour. "Blue haired, tall, ugly, arrogance matching the heavens itself. Do you know him?"

Sakura looked at Reimu. "Yes, he's my adoptive brother Shinji-"

"Okay, Fantasy Seal Time." Reimu said, and fifty seals shot out of her sleeves. She had very very very strong prejudice against people who commit bad actions and still masquerade as good. So, expect no mercy out of her.

"NO!" Sakura shouted, and the talismans collapsed on the ground as Reimu looked at Sakura. "Don't kill him!"

"Oh," Reimu smiled evilly, "Death is only too good for him. Don't worry, I won't kill him; instead, I'll make his life a living hell here."

"Just…don't do that either." Sakura whispered quietly, "I…forgive him. I forgive him for raping me."

.

.

.

That's unexpected. A victim forgiving her rapist? She's a goddamn angel! She's too bright! She's too damn bright!

"Argh." Reimu snarled, "Fine. I can make it so that he can't enter the shrine-"

"No, I want to meet him here." Sakura responded, and Reimu started bonking his head on the shrine.

"ARE YOU INSAN-" Reimu roared.

"I need to face him and tell him that I'm done." Sakura said, and Reimu instantly quieted. "I, I can't avoid this issue. You gave me a chance to break free, and I'm taking that chance to do so. But, to be truly free I need to confront my family and say that I have found my purpose in life, and I'm leaving."

Reimu face palmed. "I don't understand your reasoning," Reimu sighed, "But I'll let him in. Talk to him in the courtyard, I'll be making tea if you need anything. But know this, the Hakurei Shrine is mine. And he will die if he tries and take you back at force. Just scream and that brat is no more."

With that, Reimu waved her hand and went back inside to make tea.

Inwardly, Reimu was proud for Sakura standing up, and confused for standing up for her rapist. But, it's her own choice. A choice that may define who she is for the rest of her life.

Eh, it's her own business now onwards.

.

.

.

It's not just Sakura's business anymore, Reimu frowned. It became Reimu's business the instant that Reimu decided to act. After all, Reimu kind of promised to take care of Sakura. So that means…supporting her with money?

Reimu squeezed her eyes shut. Um, so, double everything? She'll have Sakura stay in the guest room where Marisa usually uses on her off days; clothes. Hmmmmm, Reimu's clothes won't fit Sakura, especially due to the chest area. She'll ask Yuyuko for some clothes.

Sakura said that she was in love with someone at her school? So, it'll make sense if Sakura wants to go to school. Yukari can deal with that. No biggies, say that she's an aunt.

Clothes, food, and shelter. Anything she really needs other than that? Yukari and Zelretch will deal with all the other stuff. She believes. Yukari will. She hopes.

"Hey Reimu? Can you come out for a second?" Someone called from the outside, and Reimu frowned once more. Her tea just finished and Sakura is calling for her already? It's going to be a long day.

* * *

"What do you mean you're cutting off all relations from the Matous? Do you know how worried we are when you didn't show up on Friday night?" Shinji said.

Sakura started shivering. She remembers, Shinji and his cold reasoning. That led to him taking over everything in her life, everything. But, but now she had hope.

"I, I, I found a friend." Sakura stuttered, "Someone, someone who helps me in times of need. She's, she's offering a chance to be free of my life as a magus. And I'm taking it." Her words at the end were more definite, more confident.

"But –"

"I don't have Zouken's worms inside of me." Sakura confidently stated, and that took Shinji back a lot.

"Wait, you, you don't have him inside of you? Grrrrh, you're a disobedient girl, aren't you?" Shinji smiled cruely, "Come back to the Matous and Zouken would forgive you."

Shinji made a motion to grab Sakura's hand, which Sakura dodged easily by side-stepping. "I'm sorry." Sakura quickly bowed, "But I'm not afraid of Zouken anymore."

"You should be." Shinji growled, "After all, he is immortal-"

"My friend can beat him." Sakura said definitely, even though she didn't knew. But she knew, in her heart, that Reimu-sama could beat anyone that is not a heroic servant with ease. Maybe except for the Dead Apostles, but anyone else yeah.

"Even if she could." Shinji kept on smiling, "We could always get a sealing designate on her. She's a magus, right? The Matous would have heard anyone practicing their magecraft legally here in Fuyuki City from the Toshakas, but the Toshakas never told us. So, this friend you are talking about is practicing illegal magic? Who knows, she may be manipulating you for her own good?"

That, that could be true. But, but-

"Now, now. I'm willing not to mention this to Zouken if you go along quietly, that is. I will just say that you just had a sudden urge to sleep over at one of your friend's house without his pemission; sure, he might punish you, but not your friend." Shinji smiled.

There, there was only one way. She's sorry, but she had to rely on her.

"Hey Reimu." Sakuya started, "Can you come out for a second?"

* * *

At the sight of Sakuya cowering at Shinji, Reimu just wanted to shove a bleeding Fantasy Seal right up his arse.

"Hey you!" Reimu started rudely, "You know it is rude for you to pick on some girl, right?"

The boy snorted. "Say the one who didn't introduce-"

"I introduced myself already." Reimu smiled, "It says 'Shrine Maiden Reimu' at the front entrance. Maybe you should learn to read."

Grrrrhhhhh. Oh, she's making him mad. This'll be fun teasing. "Oh what, with that broken down sign?" Shinji responded, "I bet that a beggar has even more money than you."

"Maybe so." Reimu said, "But I have much more money than you. Now, Sakuya, what do you want to talk about?"

Sakuya, who was left out of this conversation, started. "I'm sorry Reimu-sama," Sakura said, "But I have to inquire. Did you tell the Second-Owner about –"

"Nah." Reimu waved her hand, "No need to inform. Too much trouble to do so. Anything else?"

"Why are-"

"To participate in the ritual. Duh." Reimu said, crossly. "Don't you remember?"

Sakuya looked at Reimu, and a light bulb went off in her head. "Oh yeah, I forgot. I'm sorry, Maiden-sama."

"No big deal." Reimu waved her hand, "Do you mind if I kill him?" Instantly, five needles shot out of her sleeves into her hands, their sharp ends pointing at the arrogant brat.

"What no don't kill me!" That boy said pathetically, "After all, I'm a Matou!"

"So?"

"Since I'm a Matou, I'm entitled to privilege to certain-"

Reimu rolled her eyes. "Give me a reason why not to stab you."

That boy almost pissed himself. "Um, it's because if I die, Zouken may-"

"I'll kill him." Reimu said, sweetly.

"But still! That may result in the Clock Tower investigating –"

Music started playing from Reimu's pocket, and she sighed. It was Sakuya's music "Flowering Night." Don't ask about why it was that song, blame Yukari.

Reimu put away her needles and pulled out her phone. Both Sakura and Shinji looked at the device very curiously. Magi and their inability to understand technology. Hilarious. They should learn something from the Kappas.

"Hello?" Reimu said.

"HEEEEELPPPP!" Someone screamed, "SOMEONE CONTAIN THAT VAMPIRE!"

"Reimu-san." A much more composed voice was heard. "I'm calling you to check up on you. Everything alright?'

"Oh everything is good." Reimu said, smiling. "So, what pranks are Remilia and Zelretch (Shinji's face was drained of blood at that moment) doing at this moment?"

"They're not working together." Sakuya said quickly, "Both of them-"

"HAHAHAHA! YOUFELL FOR THAT, MASTER PRANKSTER!"

"I'LLLLLLLL GET YOU ONE DAYYYYY!" There was a massive crash heard over the phone.

"They declared a prank war on each other." Sakuya sighed, "Just to let you know, but Lorelai sent you several Magi to your doorstep to persuade Remilia to stop the pranks."

"I still don't understand," Reimu said, "How the hell does the Queen of the Clocktower (Shinji started looking at the stairs of the Shrine) heard about my exploits in Gensokyo?"

"It's a long story." Sakuya responded.

"Than make it short."

"Understood. Yukari got drunk. Lorelai got drunk. They swapped stories."

"Wasn't that hard." Reimu responded, "So, any advice you want to give me?"

"For your information, it was a long story. It involved them getting drunk over a combined prank from Zelretch and Remilia."

"Right, serious question now."

"For the most part, no, there's nothing to be worried about. Just as a pre-caution. I heard from Yukari you're adopting someone?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'll get that finished. Tell Zelretch to take care of business for the Matous won't you? I have a feeling that they wouldn't be here any longer."

"Understood. Anything else?"

"No, not really. Goodbye." With that, Reimu snapped her phone closed.

"Now, what to do with you." Reimu looked at the spot that once held Shinji, "Whooops. Scared him off."

"Was, was that real?" Sakura asked, "I mean, with you knowing the Second True Magician and the Queen of the Clocktower?"

"Yeah, yeah yeah." Reimu yawned and looked at her shrine. "Zelretch's kind of a big pain in the ass to deal with, and Lorelai is pathetic in asking for my help. Tea's most likely cold." Reimu muttered as she walked to the shrine, "I'll take my morning nap. Do something helpful for me and sweep my yard please."

And with that, Reimu left Sakura befuddled, who was completely lost by the events transpiring that day.

* * *

 **Author's Note**

Reviews. Please. Right, please comment on the Servant Stats sheet, on what stat should be changed. I'll finish up with Yuyuko and Sakuya most likely tomorrow.

This chapter I'm sure I messed up the characterization of Shinji. Please, tell me if he should be more stupid or arrogant.

The next chapter will have a title that will make you laugh. It involves the antics of two certain trolling vampires in the Clocktower.

.

.

This is RusselH, signing out!

 **Author's** **Apology**

I'm sorry for double posting this chapter, was wondering why this document's word count was so long


	5. Damnation for the Pranked

Chapter 4 Damnation for the Pranked

.

.

I do not own Touhou or Fate Stay/Night

* * *

"WHY. DON'T. MY. ABILITIEs. WORK. AGAINST. YOU!"

"Vampire of fate, duh." Remilia smiled, "In a prank war, I win."

"Never, never, never will I submit to you!" Zelretch roared, "I'LL BRING MY OTHERSELVES TO HELP!"

"Do so, just do so." Remilia smiled as Zelretch hanged from the ceiling via rope around his right ankle, "But, I believe this is my victory today."

"Urgh." Zelretch groaned, and there was a camera flash.

"Oh my, Zelretch." Yukari appeared from a gap, "Are you _hanging_ in there?"

"Yukari." Zelretch snarled, "How the hell did you avoid getting pranked?"

"Easy. Don't invite her into your home." Yukari smiled and flapped her fan. "Or you can simply ask her to stop pranking you."

"….God damnit Yukari. You're really testing my pride here as a master prankster. AND YOU! VAMPIRE! WHY! ARE! YOU! DRINKING! TEA!"

"Why not." Remilia smiled as Sakuya served her excellent tea, "It's the best way of seeing you suffer slowly."

"You…sadist." Zelretch whimpered. Remilia's smile gotten wider. "It galls me to say, but…"

"But?" Remilia leered. And fell straight into a hole into another dimension.

"I WOULD NEVER GIVE UP!" Zelretch gleefully smiled, "I see, your ability doesn't affect portals. Now, suffer he-"

"Mistress, do you want to release Gugnir?"

"Nah, interesting to see him rant." Remilia smiled as she sipped tea right next to the portal.

"…..Sakuya, you meanie."

"I'm sorry, but I'm doing this to preserve Mistress's sanity."

"WHAT ABOUT MINE?" Zelretch tsukkomi.

Yukari was laughing her head off in the exchange. "Zelretch, give up." Yukari smiled, "It's impossible for you, with your one track mind."

Zelretch sighed, and looked at the rope. "I would go down and whip your ass, if it wasn't for this, magical, rope! What the hell is it anyway?"

"Secret." Yukari smiled, "But, I'm here for official business."

Yukari snapped her hand, and the rope disintegrated. Zelretch fell to the ground with an oomph, and Remilia put up a face like a spoiled kid losing his favorite toy.

"What is it, Yukari?" Zelretch looked at her, and Yukari smiled.

"You don't have to ask."

"You mean with Sakura?" Zelretch looked around, "Hey guys! The Matous are essentially dead! You don't have to worry about them anymore!"

It appeared that they were in an empty cafeteria. They weren't. All the Magis were hiding underneath the tables, waiting for the Prank War to finally subside. When Yukari stated "official business," all the Magis let loose their breath and returned to their seats – just very far away from the two trolling Vampires.

"But you can't do so!" One of the magi objected, "The Queen-"

"Will have to agree." Remilia smiled, "It is established that not even her magic works on me."

Remilia had to say, she is the god Servant among Servants. Apparently her Vampire of Fate even extended to magecraft disciplines herself, thus making any magecraft that affects her useless. It amazing. IT WAS PERFECT!

Until Bazett McRemitz punched her straight in the face. It hurts…a lot.

After further analysis why Bazett's gloves did not break on contact with Remilia, it was figured out that already actualized Mysteries circumnavigates Remilia's Vampire of the Night. So, purely physical attacks that does not affect Remilia was a go, even if the attack was augmented with magecraft.

There was a witch hunt that night. A witch hunt that had no hope of winning because it was in the night. And they were talking about Remilia Scarlet.

It was fun, Remilia reflected, seeing all Magi realize that it was impossible to win in a fist fight with Remilia during the night while Zeltrech and Remilia trolled the hell out of them. The next day the Magi tried during the day time, in which Sakuya promptly sent them all flying out of the Clock Tower. And Remilia became invincible in Mage Society.

"I'm still wondering though," Remilia mused, "What's so important about Sakura?"

"Mistress, we cannot discuss this in front of this population." Sakuya stated.

Remilia shrugged. "Meh, fine. So, anyone got a problem with us killing the Matou family? Any?"

There was silence, and Remilia cheerfully clapped her hands. "Good. As a thanks for allowing us to do so, we'll stop all prank war today with me as the victor!" There was a massive sigh of relief among all the gathered Magi.

"Oi –"

"I want to see this Sakura girl for myself." Remilia smiled, "Hey, Sakuya. Make the arrangements to get to the shrine."

"I will book it right now." Sakuya stated, and she disappeared from everyone's point of view.

"Well, I better start going." Yukari smiled as she entered back into a gap, "See you at the shrine."" A few seconds after Yukari's departure, Sakuya appeared in front of Remilia.

"I just checked the travel times." Sakuya said, "There will be no open seats until next weekend, so I advise you to ask Zelretch-"

"No." Zelretch said childlish. "Until you say I'm the victor."

There was a little bit of steam coming out of Remilia as she marched straight at him. "Than," Remilia gave off a fanged grim, "The Prank War shall resume."

Upon hearing those words, half the gathered Magis muttered about buying a new house in Britain to stay at and exited the cafeterias. The other half clapped their hands, and prayed to the Root that they may survive the next week.

.

.

Unfortunately, the Root didn't hear their prayers.

* * *

Lord El-Melloi II was one of two masters that had managed to survive the Grail War intact. He thought he had the most eccentric servant of the Grail War, Iskander. For heaven sake, Iskandar broke literally all rules of the Holy Grail War and tried to persuade other servants to join him for world conquest!

Yeah, at that time Waver was sure that whatever happens, he could handle it.

He was proved wrong by a little chibi girl playing video games in her room.

"GAHH ZOMBIES!" Remilia yelped as her character ducked on the screen. And Remilia did that as well in real life. It was…kind of cute. Until he remembers that the girl in question was an overpowered Vampiric Heroic Servant who is, word by word from the famous Lorelai, "would prank you to death while you try and kill her with Excalibur." So yeah, appearances are definitely deceiving.

"HELLPPPPP!" That saying actually went both ways. Despite her monstrous abilities, the vampire was quite a scaredy cat. They were currently playing Resident Evil 4, and Remilia, well. To put it bluntly, she sucks at shooting. And could not stand jump scares.

"I'll save you." Waver sighed as he controlled his controller to kill all the zombies chasing after Remilia. It was quite fun to play with her with games that do not involve any jump scares; it tend to be more of the childish side, but hey, it's nice to revert back to youth at times.

Waver…knew Zelretch and style of pranks. It was bearable once you understand his habits and tendencies and where to avoid him. But, Zelretch surprised the whole clock tower by introducing a little chibi girl as her master prankster-in-training and a woman called Yukari Yakumo who seems to have taken a liking to Zelretch's pranks.

Everyone started laughing (excluding Waver and the high-ranking officials) and started teasing the little girl. It was at that point where the girl picked up a full-grown magus and chuck him out of the window, all the time smiling.

That shut everyone up. That and the sudden hail of knives flying from nowhere, apparently caused by the girl's maid, Sakuya.

Sakuya was now a mystery that the Clock Tower wants to unravel. Her ability to move instantaneously, to summon an infinite amount of knives in the air, to protect her mistress was a mystery. First, several Magi hatched a plan to capture Sakuya using a letter with Remilia.

It never got of planning stage when all the conspirators were found with knives in their hands, feet, shoulder, and their…ass. They survived, and swore never to speak about it ever again.

The second plan that some of his students hatched was based off the childish assumption that Sakuya was the master of the fifth true magic. So they leaked the information to Aoko Aozaki and got the popcorn figuratively to watch the battle.

Unfortunately, when Aozaki met Sakuya, they stood still for a moment, pulled out their cell phones and exchanged numbers. And they departed, which provided literally no information that the experimenters could use to testify whether or not Sakuya had the 5th true magic.

The third plan never was thought out when Remilia discovered all the plans to steal Sakuya away from her and provided to teach…all the Magi in the Clock Tower what happens if they mess with the Scarlet Demon's servant. Via mass pranking.

After that devilish period was over, Waver returned back to his room and started finding some online games to play. Than there was knocking on the door, and Waver opened the door, expected to see some of her students only to find… the chibi vampire.

That chibi vampire said to Waver that Zelretch had told her that playing video games would prove amusing to her, and Waver was the only one with video games in the whole clock tower. So, Remilia decided to come to Waver to play some video games.

Waver was in no position to deny the girl, so he allowed her to watch some gameplay. Eventually, Remilia asked to participate in the game and it was quickly shown that Remilia was amazing at all the reaction-based fighting games. Puzzles totally befuddles her, and the horror, well, meet the little girl on the floor, her wings folded out, and her shivering.

It was fun to play with her. It also provided Waver a lot of information about who she was. A Vampire from Gensokyo, she had the power to manipulate fate itself. Unfortunately, that ability did not serve her well for she eventually died, and came back to life as a Heroic Spirit for the 5th Holy Grail War.

Yeah, it was fated that Remilia would win. No hands down. Other than her inability to defend against normal attacks, Remilia's ability to simply ignore magecraft during fighting makes it impossible for Servants to win against her. And Sakuya makes it impossible to physically assault her, with her time magic and all.

The only weakness that Waver managed to find was, well. Was moving at a snails pace at the video game's off button and screaming as a bloody zombie found her character. Waver could only help but chuckle as he reached over to end the poor girl's controller and forced exit her.

"Thanks." Remilia squeaked, "Um, any less horror video games out there?"

Remilia had made a mistake in trying to salvage her pride from playing her first horror game out there by saying that it was so lame that she was on the floor. Than Waver showed her Slendermen, which quickly demolished Remilia's pride.

And thus, Remilia had to admit to Waver that she doesn't like scary things that much. Even though she was a vampire.

Waver just shook his head and reached out for a bag of chips. After opening it, he offered one to the still shivering Remilia who gladly accepted. "Do you want to play Street Fighter again?" Waver asked as he started organizing his video games, which had been laid astrewn during the time of Remila's panic roll, "This time I'll beat you."

Remilia instantly recovered and had her haughty attitude again. "Me, being defeated? NEVER!" Remilia said with a strange drive in her eyes as she helped Waver find Street Fighter. Waver just smiled, a rare smile in which his students would kill to see.

* * *

 **Author's Note**

Fun chapter to write, another chapter going up today


	6. The Eternally Hungry Tiger and Ghost

Chapter 5 The Eternally Hungry Tiger and Ghost

.

.

I do not own Touhou or Fate Stay/night

* * *

"Reimu-sama." Sakura started the morning two days after Reimu scared Shinji, "May I bring my Senpai over after school?"

Reimu looked at Sakura, and shrugged. "Why not is the question?" Reimu smiled as Sakura's eyes leapt in enjoyment, "After all, it would be nice to see the man who you'll eventually have sex with."

With that, Sakura turned completely red, turned around, and walked back to school, neither denying or confirming her suspicions.

Reimu smiled. Sakura was now a daughter that she never, and she was so innocent despite the hardships she felt in the Matou Mansion. It was always fun to tease her.

"Foooooddddddd." A large groan was heard.

"Yuyuko-sama! Just the stairs left-"

"IT'S TOO FAR!"

"You can do it, I believe in you!"

"Ugh, AHHH!"

"YES! YOU MADE IT! REIMU, PLEASE PREP SOME FOOD!"

Reimu sighed, and went inside the shrine to grab some instant dangos. Hopefully that'll sate Yuyuko's hunger. Until she moves on.

* * *

"So, Reimu." Yuyuko said, looking at her, "I heard from Yukari that you're adopting someone."

"How many people did Yukari spread the news to?" Reimu sighed as she placed her tea cup on the table, "Anyways, why are you here?"

Yuyuko never visited Fuyuki City for a food visit because, well, Yuyuko had literally eaten at all the restaurants and now eating internationally.

"Oh, I was in search for the most delectable cusine somewhere in Fuyuki City. It was told that the famous Tiger of Fujimura had bragged about her son's cookings to be the best, and the whole entire Fujimura clan had agreed as well. One of the most prominent Yakuza Clan, promoting a nobody's food? I. Must. Eat."

Reimu sighed. "Well," She started, "I don't know anything about who they might be talking about. Yuyuko?"

"Hmmmm, it's something, something about white?" Yuyuko said thoughtfully.

Youmu, who was making food in the Shrine's kitchen, made an audible sigh. "The cook is called Shirou Emiya." Youmu started, "We are hoping that you know him for his name felt a bit generic, but Yuyuko ran out of steam on the way here."

Hmmm, Emiya. Emiya. Reimu started thinking. That name was familiar to her – ah!

"That's my new son-in –law." Reimu remarked, dropping a bomb on the unsuspecting Yuyuko and Youmu. "Or at least, my future soon-to-be son-in-law."

"Wait, you, you mean your daughter is getting married?" Youmu questioned Reimu, who just chuckles/

"The girl I adopted had a traumatic past." Reimu said, "I won't talk much about the abuse that she went through, but it's pretty bad. If it wasn't for Sakura-chan loving Shirou-san to the point of obsession, than Sakura would probably had killed herself."

Yuyuko and Youmu winced. "Wow, that's explain it." Youmu said, "No wonder why a cold, money loving Shrine Maiden would adopt someone out of the good will of your heart."

Reimu frowned about that insult, but decided to forgive it.

"So, where can I meet him?" Yuyuko asked, "I want to eat him-"

"Eat his food." Reimu corrected, "Sakura would probably berserk and kill you if you said eat him."

"But I can't die."

"Not the point." Reimu said, "And you can meet him around 4:00 PM, when school ends for both Sakura-chan and Shriou-san."

"Alright." Yuyuko's stomach growled, "In the meantime, can Youmu use your kitchen?"

"Yeah yeah." Reimu sighed, "But Youmu, you need to do some Grocery Shopping. Yuyuko already ate everything."

* * *

"So this is your new home, Sakura-san." Senpai smiled at her, "I can't believe that at your old home Shinji was abusing you. If I had known, I would have beaten that bastard up for you."

Sakura blushed. "Shirou-senpai." Sakura said, filled with happiness.

"And we're here." Taiga completely ruined the romantic mood, "Let's see if your new caretakers would take care of you. After all, you like Shirou-san."

When Sakura returned back to school, there was a massive uproar. Apparently Reimu had pulled off some favors, because Shinji was expelled and Reimu was set as the new carekeeper of Sakura.

The official story was that Reimu was walking back home from grocery shopping to see Shinji sexually molesting Sakura outside of his house, and Reimu rushed in and saved Sakura from further abuse. After taking Sakura back to her shrine, she used her broom to whack Shinji off, and Sakura, indebted to her, told her about the abuse she was receiving, thus Reimu's offer to take Sakura in.

Shirou was so worried for her, Sakura felt like she could melt from all the attention she was receiving from Senpai. She invited him over to her new home, and he agreed – and Taiga, who conveniently eavesdropped, forced herself into the invitation.

They walked up the stairs without any difficulties, and when they got to the patio they saw Reimu pulling off a pink haired lady off a white haired one, in which the pink haired on was currently…gnawing on the panicked white haired one.

"NO! YUYUKO, YOU CAN'T EAT YOUMU!"

"BUT I'M HUNGRY-"

"I'm sorry, Reimu, but, but I'm need to go the bank-"

"GO!" Reimu roared, and the white hair lady nodded and dashed, bumping into the Taiga.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Youmu quickly bowed to Taiga, "But this shrine is, um, how should I say it? Out of commissioned right now. You should better leave."

Taiga looked a bit ticked off, but Sakura managed to defuse the situation. "Youmu, I'm Sakura. He's Shirou-Senpai."

Youmu stopped all of her movements and took a good look at Shirou. "I see." Youmu said, "I'm sorry, but my master wish-"

"FOOOODDDDD!"

"YOU ATE MY WHOLE REFRIDGERATOR! HOW ARE YOU NOT FAT YET!"

"My master wish to taste your cooking. The Fujiwara Clan had posted a review about your food, and my master wish for you to make her food, Shirou-san."

"NOWWWWWW!"

"STOP THROWING FOOD TANTRAUMS! WHY HAVEN'T YOU LEAVE YOUMU!"

Youmu grabbed Shirou's hand and made a motion to her master. "Please, cook for her!" Youmu pleaded with Shirou, who was completely lost by the situation. "I have to buy more ingredients, but there are some basic ingredients in the fridge. Reimu-san would show you the equipment, but I have to go now. Bye!"

With that, Youmu quickly let go of Shirou's hand and ran down the Shrine's steps.

Sakura sweatdropped at the sign of Reimu knocking Yuyuko out by using a pinched nerve on Yuyuko's neck. "Finally." Reimu muttered, "Oh, Sakura-chan! Welcome back! And is this, your husband-in-law?"

Sakura nodded, red, and Reimu laughed. "Great, I heard that he's a great cook. Please, Shirou-san, please cook before she wakes up." With that, Reimu walked inside the shrine, muttering something about princesses and food.

"I'm not too sure what's going on, but since there's a kitchen and someone is allowing me to use it, I'll use it. Good way to show to your caregiver. After all, it's my turn today." Shirou said.

Sakura smiled, remembering how both of them competed over control of the kitchen to this day. Now, it'll be Senpai's turn to –

"Oh, dinner so early? I'm in!"

… She hoped that Reimu had enough food to feed the Tiger of Fujiwara.

* * *

 _It was too good._

Yuyuko, for the first time upon entering the food business, had found a person whose cookings rivaled that of Youmu. Which, was definitely worth of a 6 star review out of 5.

She didn't have that high expectations upon realizing that the cook that she had been chasing for in Fuyuki City was a teenage boy.

Boy, did she get that completely wrong.

Not only did this boy proved to be good in her standards, but she also found an eating buddy whose appetite matched hers.

At least, until Youmu and Reimu brought in the second wave of groceries an hour later. It was than at that moment, her eating buddy fell to the ground, in a food coma.

There was a smile from Reimu, who was drinking tea while she was eating, and a groan from Sakura, who was sitting at the table who had her red face in her hands.

There was whispered conversation between the two, and Sakura, very red, nodded to Reimu's request.

Meh, onwards with the feast!

"How much food," Sakura asked when she finally raised her head up, "Does this lady eat?"

"Never enough." Reimu said sadly as Yuyuko finished with the last bowl of Ramen on the table "Yuyuko, are you finally satisfied?"

Yuyuko crooned as she lied on the floor, "That was amazing. I should hire Shirou-san as my personal cook."

Shirou, who was sweating and all when he exited the kitchen, could only sweatdrop. "Um, I'm sorry to be so rude, but who are you?"

Youmu sighed as she exited the kitchen as well. "My mistress here," Youmu started, "Is Yuyuko Saigyouji. She is an international food critic who had heard about you, Shirou-san. Do not mind her…unique attitude."

Shirou only nodded wordlessly. "Sakura-san, I never, I never knew that you had such unique friends."

Sakura shook her head, frantically. "I didn't know about Yuyuko-san visiting the shrine until I saw her. Reimu-sama, why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it was as much of a surprise to me as to you." Reimu said, sipping her tea at that table, "I was as much of a panic in buying groceries to feed Yuyuko. Fortunately, Youmu already transferred some money to my bank account so we're not eaten out of the shrine."

"It's alright." Sakura responded, "Shirou-senpai, this is Remilia-sama, the Shrine Maiden here."

Shirou waved his hand. "Hello." Shirou said, and bowed to Reimu. "Thank you so much for saving Sakura-san."

Reimu closed her eyes as she sipped her tea again. "It's no problem. As a shrine maiden it's natural to help out."

"Shirou-senpai 's um, caretaker is currently on the ground." Sakura said as Taiga was lying on the floor, snoring. "I'm sorry, she's usually like that."

"Great, we have two Yuyukos." Reimu said dryly, "It's getting dark out there. I'm sorry, but it's best if you guys get going now."

She was true. Yuyuko was eating for two hours straight, and the sun was about to settle over the horizon.

"Bet." Reimu said as Yuyuko started to stand up. "Sakura-chan, the bet."

It may have been Yuyuko's imagination, but for the moment she thought she saw Yukari in the place of Reimu. Definetely her imagination.

Sakura started shaking a lot as Yuyuko started sitting up from her lying down position. And, Sakura bolted for the nearest door, with Reimu is hot pursuit.

"YOU PROMISED!" Reimu shouted.

"I DIDN'T MEAN TO!" Was the response, "I DIDN'T KNOW THAT YUYUKO-SAN COULD EAT THAT MUCH!"

"YOUR LOSS, MY GAIN! NOW, CONFESS!"

"NEVER!"

Youmu leaned over and whispered something to Shirou, who shook his head furiously. Youmu kept on whispering, and Shirou audibly said something about "Can't take money," "I'm sorry," "No it was my pleasure in doing it."

At the end, Youmu seemed to concede, but when Shirou's back was turned she quickly stuffed a bunch of dollar bills into his jacket. He didn't seem to notice it.

"Shirou-san." Youmu said as Shirou returned his attention to her, "Would you like me to grab a bucket of cold water to wake up Taiga-san?"

There was a moment of silence, and Shirou sighed.

"I'll do it." Shirou said as he walked back into the kitchen. "After all, you would not want to be on the receiving end of my caretaker's anger."

"I'm used to it." Youmu whispered, and it was at that moment in which a red faced Sakura and a grinning Reimu returned back to the shrine.

"Chicken." Reimu teased Sakura, who was even redder than before. "Confessing to a tree in the middle of nowhere, that's not when I meant with that wager."

"I'm sorry, Reimu-sama, but, but I can't." Sakura whimpered, "Not now."

Reimu sighed as Shirou walked into the room with a bucket of ice cold water. Both Reimu and Sakura looked at the bucket with confusion, but one second later Sakura realized what Shirou was going to do and made a frantic no no signal. Two seconds later, Reimu caught on and started snickering.

So, it was at that moment in which Shirou poured the cold water on the sleeping glutton.

"ROAR!" The woman leapt up and pounced on Shirou, "YOU KNOW I HATE WAKING UP LIKE THAT!"

"It's either that or you're sleeping here." Shirou stated, "And I would not think that Sakura-san's family would allow you to."

Taiga, after shaking herself dry from water like a wet dog, nodded in agreement. "Come on." Shirou said as he started walking out of the shrine, "It was nice meeting you, Yuyuko-san. Youmu-san. Reimu-san. Sakura-san. I'll come back to see you again."

Everyone in the shrine gave a big wave of goodbye as both Shirou and Taiga left the shrine, with Taiga dropping off some money into the donation box.

Yuyuko smiled as she stood up also. "Youmu, let's get back to Hakugyokurou."

"Yes mistress." Youmu remarked, "Are you full tonight?"

"I might want a late-night desert, but yes, I'm full. What's my travel schedule tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow you're going fly to America for a TV food show review, remember?."

"Oh yeah, with that boring guy." Yuyuko frowned, "Meh. Reimu-san, it's nice to see you again! And Sakura-san, it's nice to meet you." With that, Yuyuko and Youmu departed from the shrine.

* * *

"Hey," Reimu started the moment that Yuyuko and Youmu descended from the shrine, "Shirou-san didn't donate into the donation box."

Sakura looked at Reimu, confused. "What do you mean, Reimu-sama?"

"I mean, everyone upon entering my shrine would have a mild impulse to donate. It's my Noble Phantasm's effect." Reimu elaborated, revealing a secret about her Noble Phantasm casually.

"But, I didn't have an urge to-"

"It's because you're a magi." Reimu responded, "All Magi could resist the urge. So, that means, your Shirou-senpai is a magi."

* * *

 **Author's Note**

Plot twist, Sakura learned that Shirou was a magi!

Here's my second chapter of the day! I'll see if I can write another tomorrow. This chapter made me laugh, the eating competition between Yuyuko and Taiga.

.

.

Here's a little clue what to expect for the next chapter, da ze.

.

.

This is RusselH signing out!


	7. The Witch and the Tsundere

Chapter 6 The Witch and the Tsundere

.

.

I do not own Touhou or Fate Stay/Night

* * *

"ATRUM! I TOLD YOU, DON'T MIX THOSE TWO COMPOUNDS TOGETHER!"

"What? Than how are you supposed to rearrange the atom formation-"

"Use your freaking head! You don't need to change the compound itself, you need to change the state of matter first! Freeze it!"

"I don't understand-"

"YOU DON'T NEED TO! JUST - GAH!"

 _Boom!_

"See, what I told you?" Marisa told Atrum Galliasta, her employer, "Those two compounds would create a chemical reaction that would result in a large explosion."

"But wouldn't the end result remain the same?" Atrum responded as he took off his ruined lab gear.

"You mean, you still want to do that again? It'll kill the experimenter!"

"….But we could use other-."

"That again?" Marisa snarled, "I have told you, no. We are not treating human beings as just a cost in producing a pure crystal!"

"But there are a bunch of people on the market-"

"You know what? You do whatever you want." Marisa took off her lab gear and threw it on the ground. "I quit."

"But you can't-"

"I just did." Marisa retorted back, "I won't work under somebody who pursues alchemy at the disregards of other people's lives. Until you understand that aspect, I will not tolerate working with you any longer."

There was a brief moment of silence as Marisa gathered all her materials. Atrum was thinking hard, how to keep Marisa with him. Marisa was such a valuable non-magi scientist who seem to have perfected making the crystal at such a low cost of resources. But, the way that Marisa employs is too long, so he wanted to use human bodies as a catalyst to speed up the reaction. Problem is, she's adamant on not using humans.

And this ended up with Marisa quitting her job. But, she hasn't left the lab yet.

"GUARDS!" Atrum roared, "ARREST HER!"

Five of his guards rushed into the lab, their Tasers in their hand as they prepared to disable Marisa. Marisa just smirked though. What was she so confident-

Atrum didn't notice that Marisa had already gathered all her personal items. He didn't notice that Marisa had pulled out a vial from her personal items. He certainly did not notice that Marisa had put on her face a handkerchief, tightly wounded over her mouth.

So, he didn't expect gas to be released in the lab. The gas was very potent, for it instantly knocked out the guards and made Atrum a little bit dizzy, but he still remained standing up.

"I'm an Alchemist, da ze!" Marisa said as she took out more vials from her bag. One of them had the label of Methoxypropane, a very very very potent sleeping gas. And Atrum saw no more.

* * *

Deleting all her records from the data system was what Marisa did next in her ex-employer's lab. It was simple in uploading a virus erasing all information of Marisa was while transferring ten million yen to her bank account. She was promised that amount if, in under circumstances, that Marisa quits from her job due to her contractor being immoral.

The guards started to flow into the control room when the virus finished transferring money, so Marisa did what she did best. Escape with style.

She threw her bag at the nearby window, dropped a flashbang that she borrowed from a sleeping guard, and jumped out. The guards ran over to the window to see Marisa, but their vision was temporary disabled.

Marisa started flying on her broom and decided to leave a parting remark to give to Atrum.

"This is the day," Marisa yelled as she rode off into the night, "That you almost caught Marisa Kirisame, da ze!"

* * *

"Hmmmm, that's disappointing." Marisa said as she landed on the roof of a house. "I thought that he would at least abide to my rules to the end. That way, I get a billion yen. Meh, ten million yen is good enough. Enough for three months."

Marisa than pulled out a long checklist from her bag. "Let see, hmmm, Atrum isn't good." Marisa muttered as she walked on the roofs, checking past employers off. "I know! I'll work at Homurahara Academy! I hope they still have that spot opened for me. But, hmmmm. Eh, I'll check the website when I find a computer. So, onto the library!"

With that, Marisa put away her checklist and looked around. Ah, the cold, fresh night air. It was such a nice – AAAHHHHHHH!

Somehow, Marisa had placed her foot on a patch of roof that appeared to be broken and completely fell through the human sized hole. Onto a couch. How…interesting. And painful. Ouch.

Marisa blinked once, and another to gather her surroundings. Right, she's surrounded by a lot of wood, bricks, and dust. And she's right in front of an angry girl who was scolding her in…German? Hang on, her German's rusty.

"Was zum Teufel machst du da?!" The twin tailed girl yelled out, "Du kleines Stück Scheiße!"

Right, hmmm. The rough translation should be, what the hell are you doing, you, um. Oh, Scheiße means shit while kleines Stück mean little piece. So, what the hell are you doing, you little piece of - Oohhhh, that's some pretty nasty language.

"Um, um, Hallo da ze?" Marisa said, "Um, zerstören means wreck, um, haus means house, dein means mean. Sooo, Ich will dein Haus zerstören, um, wait, uh wait. That's wrong. Um, where the hell do you put the word Nicht? Um, Ich Ich will nicht dein Haus zerstören! There da ze!"

Marisa smiled at the girl, who smiled very sweetly at Marisa – wait, that's a smile that Reimu normally had before unleashing all hell. Uh-oh.

The girl yelled some rapid German in which Marisa completely lost track of, and pointed her finger like a gun towards Marisa. All her escapist instincts told her to dodge the imaginary bullet. So, as a master in dodging, she flung herself to one side to avoid a ball of magic.

* * *

THAT BITCH! SHE WRECKED HER HOUSE!

Rin was full on rage mode when she was firing her finn shot at the intruder.

She was definitely not in a good mood when that girl came crashing down on the ground via the roof. She had just recently learned that her biological sister was being raped at her home when she was a Matou, and that just….sickens her.

So, an hour before the blond-haired bimbo crashed into her house she had tracked down Shinji and…physically showed how much Rin disapproved of having her sister raped.

After leaving something that can't be really called Shinji, she had returned to her home and started working on her magecraft. It was when Rin had put the final finishing touch on a gem that took her the whole entire month to carve that a massive crash revertebrated throughout the house and she scratched it too deeply.

Meaning?

It was completely ruined.

So, Rin was taking her justified rage on the intruder, who seems to be dodging every single one of her attacks. To give the intruder credit, she was dodging it well. Too well.

It was at the moment in which the girl stayed in the air for an unnatural second too long from jumping and weaving her Finn shots in which Rin realized how she was dodging it.

"You're a Magi!" Rin yelled out.

"I'm not, da ze! I'm a witch!" The girl responded back, "Bye!"

The witch than rushed over the nearest window and swung her bag at the window, to see that the window didn't break at all. There was no way in which that girl could escape through there – after all, it was Rin who carved the runes themselves.

"Oh." The girl stated, "Scheiße."

Rin just simply smiled, and took out a gem from her little pouch hanging by her side. And, she chuck it straight at the trespasser.

* * *

This…wasn't Marisa's day today. When the window failed to break under her heavy bag, Marisa saw the runes sketched on the window that made it impossible for her to break unless she master sparked it.

She rather not destroy more of the house. If possible.

And it was that gem that destroyed the house even more.

So, Marisa could only think of one thing to say when the gem nearly killed her.

"It wasn't me da ze!" Marisa said as she stuffed her hand into her bag. Um, um, um what vial could she use? She already used all her potent sleeping and knockout gas during her escape, so all that she had left was essentially a truth vial and a laughing gas.

…She didn't really see how making an angry rampaging magus tell the truth could stop the amount of gems flying straight at her. So, laughing gas it is.

Marisa held her breath as she took out a vial of Nitrous Oxide and and threw it at the ground. The gas….there was no gas because the vial was just pieces of glass. Marisa looked at her bag and saw a hole the size of a bullet. Oh. Wow, so the girl must have shot a hole in her bag and breaking open the vial of laughing gas.

And that laughing gas was premating through the room when both girls had their mouths open…and it normally takes a minute or two to kick in….

"Pheeee." Marisa tried to contain it, and it ended up sounding like a balloon leaking gas.

The other girl, well. "HAHAHAHAHH!" Collapsed on the floor, laughing.

"IT'S TOO FUNNY!" Marisa shouted as she too collapsed on the floor on a laughing fit. "YOUR TWINTAILS! IT'S SO CUTE DA ZE!"

"NOT AS CUTE AS, HAHAH, AS YOUR LANGUGE! BHAHAHAHAH!"

And so, the laughter continued.

* * *

Thirty minutes in their laughing fit, and the two girls were utterly exhausted.

"You're dead." The girl magus stared at Marisa with venomous eyes.

Marisa managed to recover faster from her own sleeping gas, most likely because she had a high alchemy stat that reduces the effect of gases on her. So, right after she recovered, she grabbed a rope from her bag and tied the rampaging girl up. Although, it could be that she tied her up so well that the bounded girl was in a position that'll invite men to…she's not thinking about perverted thoughts. Not at all. Right, back to the statement.

"Dead?" Marisa questioned, "Why should I, be dead?"

The girl tried to push herself up, but failed as the ropes constricted her. "BECAUSE YOU'RE STEALING MY GEMS!" Rin roared in frustration.

"It's not stealing!" Marisa said as she put the bag of gems that she pickpocketed from the girl, "I'm just safe-keeping it. After all, with great power comes great responsibility, and you definitely do not have any sense of responsibility."

"So essentially you're robbing it."

"It's not robbery, it's borrowing!" Marisa responded as she made a mark on one the runes. She's a bit knowledgable when it comes to runes, but it did take her a minute or two disable one, just to show how rusty her skills are. "Well, I'll see you again da ze!"

Marisa than jumped out of the window and, in midair, summoned her broom and flew to the top of the houses where she landed.

"That was…" Marisa muttered as she counted how many jewels she received from the girl, "Interesting. So, onto the library – wait, the girl back there had a Homurahara uniform. So, it's likely that the girl would naturally go to that school. And, if Marisa teaches at the school, that girl would probably recognize Marisa.

"Damnit." Marisa muttered as she took out her list from the bag, "There's another job I can't take. Hmmm, I know, I'll apply as the library assistant! So, to the library we go da ze!"

* * *

It was a minute after the witch jumped out of the window in which Rin realized an important fact.

"Wait, how the hell am I supposed to get out of this?"

Two hours later, and she was only halfway done with untying herself with repeated Finn Shots.

Three hours later, Rin got out, and fell asleep instantly. She was late for school the next day so thus she swore to kill that witch with her own bare hands.

* * *

Marisa was quickly refused the job, because her library card says that she has over a hundred overdue books. So, onto the next job da ze!

* * *

 **Author's Note**

Right, I'm a bit mad at . BECAUSE IT'S INACCURATE! I did post a chapter yesterday, but it didn't really say that it was updated.

Anyways, here's a bit of Marisa action here. Please tell me did I get the characterization of Marisa right?

I probably won't be posting another chapter today but rather I'll be working on finished Yuyuko's and Sakuya's stats. Feel free to comment on what changes I should make.

Also, leave in a review on who Sakuya's servant is. I'm planning to have Saint George (A-rank Magic Resistance) or Ushiwakamaru (because she was raised by exorcist). Leave in the comment who you want Sakura's servant (doesn't have be the above two) as long as it's a rider class.

Also, planning to change who Caster is. Maybe changing Medea into Tamamo, but a bit iffy because of her personality.


	8. The Priest and the Maiden's Meeting

Chapter 6 A Priest and a Maiden's Meeting

.

.

I do not own Touhou or Fate Stay/Night

* * *

"Hmmm?" Reimu looked at Sakura, "You want to go visit Fuyuki church?"

Sakura nodded furiously. "I wish to go to the confession box and declare all my feelings for Shirou-senpai out. Hopefully the priest would give much better advice than you, no offense meant."

Reimu sighed. She was trying to whip Sakura into a good state in which she can finally confess her undying love to Shirou and finally have them become husband and wife. It's been a week already, and Sakura had managed to progress to the point in which she managed to confess to a tree.

So, not much progress.

Probably something wrong with her teaching methods. Yeah, maybe wasn't the best idea to chase her around with a talisman that makes Sakura blurt out her thoughts every second.

.

.

.

It was fun chasing her until Sakura hit the talisman straight back at Reimu and she confessed all her plans for Sakura and Shirou. Since than, Sakura stayed away from Reimu as far as possible when it comes to Shirou.

Except when it came to magecraft. Sakura implored Reimu to teach her magecraft, in order to catch up with her fiancé. Apparently when Reimu purified the worms from her body, she had also purified her corrupt alignment and made it so that she could learn any time of magecraft. So, Reimu decided to teach her exorcism, in which both of them had fun trying to 'exorcise' the other's evil, though, even if simple spell, has a massive effect on Reimu due to her chaotic alignment.

Reimu shrugged her shoulders in response to Sakura's question. "Sure, let's go to the church." Reimu stated, "Maybe we can pick up some ramen on the way back. I heard that a new Ramen restaurant opened nearby the Fuyuki church, and I always wanted to go there."

* * *

"I'm sorry, but I do not have much experience when it comes to love." The priest, Kirei Kotomine, deadpanned stated. "Maybe, maybe consulting my daughter?"

The Fuyuki Church, Reimu thought, wasn't that impressive. She means, this church was so white and clean but that was typical of all other churches. They were all standing up at the spot in which Kirei does his sermons on Sundays (he just finished his sermon when Sakura and Reimu came to visit), and they were talking very casually.

Sakura was very very depressed, but lightened up upon hearing daughter. "Oh?" Sakura looked at Kirei, "You have a daughter?'

"Yes. However, we are not that close together because I do not seem to have the capacity to feel emotions while she does. So, you might want to talk about what you may term as Girl Troubles?"

Sakura quickly nodded.

"Alright. My daughter's bedroom in the ceiling. She's just visiting here for today, because tomorrow she'll going back to her aunt's house, so I advise you to talk to her right now."

Sakura nodded again, and quickly rushed to the back of the church, leaving Reimu and Kirei together.

"Do you want some tea while our daughters talk?" Kirei started after a minute of silence.

Reimu smiled. "I don't see a reason for me to refuse."

* * *

Kirei was…interested in this shrine maiden. He recognized that the young shrine maiden girl was a Heroic Servant, one of the famous heroes from the past. After all, unofficially he was the winner of the 4th Holy Grail War, having Gilgamesh still alive and in the basement finding some entertainment.

Normally, heroic servants would keep themselves entertained via combat; this girl kept herself entertained by adopting an abused daughter.

Oh the amount of anguish and horror he felt that day when he learned that Sakura was no longer being raped. He had fantasized the pain that Sakura must have felt when doing so, and he can no longer do so. And, he felt horrified that he felt happiness from the very thought that Sakura was being raped.

He was…the lowest human being in the world. He wanted to find an answer, an answer to all his anguish. He wants to find out, what true happiness is!

"What's your motivation in adopting Sakura?" Kirei decided to ask Reimu.

Reimu just sipped her tea quietly, and started blowing on it because it was too hot. "My motivation, hmmmm. Well, I didn't mean to get involved, but I can't help it when a girl is suffering in front of my eyes. I mean, that's what any ordinary person would do."

No, he would tie her up and take her downstairs to enjoy her pain as Gilgamesh trains the prana from body. Instead of treating her kindly and giving her a home for her to enjoy.

"But than, you aren't ordinary." Reimu mused, "After all, you do have a servant in the basement below."

Kirei suddenly stood up and summoned his black keys. How?

Reimu ignored Kirei's sudden action and kept on drinking tea. "He's not trying to conceal his power signature." Reimu explained, "Even if the next Holy Grail War is in three years, servants can be summoned before the official declaration."

Kirei narrowed his eyes. "I see. I should eliminate –"

"I have no quarrel with you." Reimu responded back, closing her eyes, " After all, the 5th Holy Grail War is going to be a unique war. I can provide you some free information about this incoming war, assuming that you don't murder me first."

Kirei lowered his black keys and dissipated them. "What do you know." Kirei demanded.

"This war is a Team Deathmatch." Reimu dropped the bomb, "One team has already been summoned."

Interesting. This is going to be more interesting that he hoped so.

"The official title of this battle is called Fate Apocrypha. As the son of the last overseer of the war, I believe that you can dig up records about this new war." Reimu explained, "I hope that this information is enough to sate you curiosity."

"I will find the papers later." Kirei said, noting down in his head to research Fate Apocrypha. "Is there anything else that you want to share?"

Reimu stood up, her tea cup empty. "Please do not share this information with all the future participants in the Grail War." Reimu requested, "About three years from now, please alert them all to come to this church and my master will tell them about the circumstances."

"I see." Kirei said, "Alright, I shall do so."

Reimu didn't respond back, but rather yelled for Sakura to finish up her conversation. A minute later, and Sakura walked into Kirei's line of view, her steps much more confident.

"Thank you, Kirei-sama." Sakura said to him, "Your daughter Caren-san is very knowledgeable in terms of love. Unlike a certain someone shrine maiden-"

"Hey, that's rude."

"So tomorrow, I will confess my feelings to Shirou-senpai!"

"YEAH!" Reimu smiled at her daughter's enthusiasm. "So, what's the plan?"

Sakura paused for a moment, and her newfound confidence was drained. "Um, I walk up to him." Sakura said, and stopped. "Oh that girl – she tricked me! She never told me how to-"

"Alright alright," Reimu grinned as she grabbed Sakura's collar, "Let's get back to the shrine to plan."

"Your plans never work though, Reimu-sama."

"One day it will." Reimu promised, "But until than, you will suffer my endless teasing."

Sakura's blood drained from her face, leaving her very pale. And, for the first time in a long time, Kirei had to urge to let loose a chuckle from the amount of torture Sakura would be from Reimu.

When Reimu left the church with her daughter, talking about a new Ramen restaurant nearby, it was at that moment in which Kirei realized the implications of his previous thought.

He, was happy. He was happy for the happy mother and daughter, for their relationship. Reimu was promising to make Sakura's life hell via teasing, and although Sakura was going to suffer from it, she will be, at the same time, happy.

Could, could he try and mimic that happiness? Was that, was that the happiness he was seeking this whole time? Teasing people and watching them both be happy and in pain? Was this, was this, was this-

A million thoughts were racing across Kirei's brain as he started thinking. Maybe, maybe this was his chance to set things right, he thought. Maybe this discovery could mend his relationship with his daughter. Maybe this may resolved the question he was seeking out from Emiya Kiritsugu. Maybe this is the answer to his life.

Only one way to try out.

"Caren-chan, did you sexually harass Sakura-san?"

And Kirei grinned at the thought of his going to be embarrassed daughter.

* * *

"My my, Reimu-chan." Yukari appeared in front of Reimu as she stood outside her shrine. Sakura had already went inside the shrine to work on her homework and to practice her exorcism skill, leaving Reimu outside with Yukari. "That was such a bold move, and such a nice act to do."

Reimu yawned, "I didn't recognize that Kirei was a former master until I was in the church and I sensed his servant in the basement so I had to give up some information. I hope that this wouldn't screw up with the ritual big time."

Yukari shook her head. "No, I was actually planning to visit Kirei next week." Yukari said as she hugged Reimu, "Anyways, when did you get so nice?"

"Huh?" Reimu said, "Oh, was this related to do the nice act? What nice act did I do in the church? Was it me taking Sakura-chan out to a new Ramen restaurant?" She went to the church, she dropped off Sakura in Caren's room, she had a conversation with the priest, and she and Sakura ate at the new ramen restaurant. Not as good as Shirou's food, but good enough.

Yukari froze for a second, and than just chuckled. "I see." Yukari smiled as she waved her fan to open a new gap, "Don't mind what I just said. Keep on doing whatever you're doing. And everything would be fine."

And with that, Yukari was gone.

Reimu was thinking hard about what nice act she did in the church. For a second. Afterwards, she checked her donation box for money.

* * *

Later that week Reimu saw Kirei walking with Caren to her shrine, teasing her every step of the way with Caren smiling brightly. Kirei than said "thank you" to Reimu when he saw her, and Caren did so too. After dropping some money into her donation box, the father and daughter couple left the shrine.

Reimu didn't think much about the long drawn out explanation Kirei said about why he was saying thank you, and was more interested in how to use the money that both of them generously gave her. Maybe buying a custom made Dakimakura (large pillow) of Shirou so that Sakura could try and confess to. That'll be her new plan.

* * *

 **Author's Note**

Alright, making some major changes to the stories. May take me a long time to upload my next chapter, but just to let you know, the major change in the story was that the Holy Grail War was in three years, and two years had already passed.

.

.

This is RusselH, signing out!


	9. What Happens There, Stays There

Chapter 8 What Happens at the Clocktower, Stays at the Clocktower

.

.

I do not own Touhou or Fate/Stay Night

"TRUCE! TRUCE!" Zeltrech shouted admist all of the chaos caused by the prank wars.

* * *

Remilia pouted as she snapped her fingers, all the traps stopping. "Why?"

"Thank you." Zeltrech sighed, "But, I just got wind from Yukari that Mokou was visiting here today! In one hour!"

"Meh, killjoy." Remilia stated. "She's the only one who can actively restrain me."

It was…true. Remilia didn't risk unleashing the anti-Fortress Noble Phantasm at Mokou because it'll actively reveal Mokou's weakness, and Mokou's Manipulation of Fire was at a level in which could burn Remilia and not her while completely ignoring Remilia's Vampire of Fate(because it didn't count as magecraft or magic, it is just manipulating fire itself).

* * *

 _An hour later_

"Seriously, why me?" Mokou said as she escorted, ahem, dragged into the Clock Tower.

The Queen of the Clocktower, Lorelai, looked at Mokou straight into the eye. "Because you're the only one that could restrain that vampire!"

It was in the middle of her tour guide shift in which a bunch of black suited guys came up to Mokou, grabbed her, gagged her, tied up her, and threw her into a limo where Mokou tried to get out of the ropes. However, the ropes seemed to imbue some kind of fire magic resistance so it didn't burn when Mokou tried to. After a trip that took centuries, the gag was taken off Mokou and she was being dragged through the streets of London.

"Why didn't you hire, I don't know, a Magus Killer?"

"We tried!" The lady shouted, "But for some reason the money seemed to freeze in the transfer, and rumors got out that the Loli Vampire of the Clock Tower was near invincible!"

"How about abducting Reimu?"

"We also tried that! But Reimu just slapped the abductors off the shrine whenever they came, and it was near impossible to sneak up to her. The one time we succeeded, she just broke free of the bindings and proceeded to insert fifty needles into each of the Magus."

Mokou had to wince. "Alright." Mokou stated, "Not her either. Who else, well, no one else. Alright, I'll come willingly. But can you do something about these ropes? I don't like being dragged on the ground!"

Lorelai looked at Mokou, and started to untie the ropes. When Mokou was free she started stretching her arms and legs. After making a few exercises, Mokou asked "How are you going to restrain the maid and the troll?"

Lorelai stopped. "You're going to teach Remilia a lesson when night falls." She started, "Sakuya won't be around her mistress because we're going to give her a mundane task to do, for example, buy some frog eyes. And Zeltrech, well, do you have any way to restrain him?"

Mokou scratched her head, thinking about her personal skills. "Not really, but we'll see." Mokou started, "The chaos they wrecked can't be that bad, anyway. I mean, you guys have survived for two years without turning for outside help, right?"

* * *

"I completely take what I just said back." Mokou surveyed the chaos that the two vampires unsuccessfully tried to clean up, "Alright, I'll teach them a lesson or two that –ahhhhhhh!"

It felt like Mokou was in free fall, because, well, she was in freefall. She had momentarily heard when she was falling like "She fell for it!" and "We don't have to worry about her!" and "NOOO! THE CLOCKTOWER IS DOOMED!" but she had more pressing issues to deal with.

For example, crashing into the bamboo trees– wait, into the Bamboo Forest of Lost? She's back at Gensokyo! YES!

Ouch.

Ouch.

Ouch.

Youch. Died.

Mokou shook her head to gather her surroundings. She was near Eintei, for sure. She recognized this place.

Mokou immediately stood up, peered through the bamboo leaves and saw Eintei. And she started to witness something that made her promptly gouge out her own eyes.

* * *

"That wasn't very nice." Yukari commented to Zeltretch. "Or smart at all."

Zeltretch shrugged his shoulders as Remilia decided to…punish the Magus for trying to restrain her. "Meh, she'll survive the experience. I am planning to get her back into this reality in a few more minutes. That way, she'll at least keep part of her sanity-"

"Did you not consider how much she'll going to kill you for showing a scene of her and Kaguya having sex?"

"….Oh?" Zelretch paused, "Wait, I know that I dropped her into a universe where the pairing was different, but I thought it was just a universe where Marisa and Patchouli got together, instead of Marisa and Alice."

It shouldn't have been that much of a big deal. What Zelretch did was to send Mokou into a random universe and have another separate but should be identical memory onto her when she leaves, thus making her lose herself for a week or so. But the memories should be identical….

"You dropped her into the universe in which Mokou and Kaguya was paired up, and they were having sex when Mokou saw Eintei." Yukari scratched her forehead, "Might want to extract her out of there as fast as possible, otherwise that world's Yukari would be extremely pissed at you. I'm out."

With that, Yukari was gone and Zelretch, wincing the whole time, opened up a portal to let Mokou back into this universe.

.

.

.

What happened afterwards…stays in the Clock Tower. A rule made by Zelretch himself.

* * *

The Magi eventually came to refer this event as "When Zelretch Tries and Prank a Phoenix but Failed Completely and Nearly Killed the Damn Vampires." In the future, their children would come to laugh at what the Phoenix had done to Zelretch and Remilia, but presently all the current Magi swore one thing; never ever piss off Mokou. If you do not want to become charred corpses.

* * *

"I'm sorry." Mokou said, in a seiza position to everyone of the Clock Tower, or those who managed to received just first degree burn. Most, well, were currently in the hospital, being treated for second and third degree burns. "I didn't know that Zelretch had an ability like that."

Lorelai sighed. "Well, it's forgiven." She said, "At least Zelretch and Remilia wouldn't be able to pull off any more pranks. But, please tell me next time how destructive your powers can be."

"Alright." Mokou replied sheepishly, "Once I start to rampage, not many things could stop me."

"Yeah." Lorelai shook her head, "Can't believe a knife in your head didn't stop you."

"You're a like a brute from Halo." Waver mused, "You ignore pain in a berserking state and live through anything, huh?"

"Yeah." Mokou scratched the back of the head, "I'm extremely hard to kill." True. She keeps coming back from lethal injuries. She's immortal.

"Finally!" Aoko walked back into the Clock Tower, "Can't believe I had to use my time manipulation power to fix up some burns. And you, Mokou. You're a liability to everyone when you berserk!"

Remilia tried to stop Mokou using her fate powers. Failed. Result: she was sent flying out of the clock tower, her butt on fire.

Zelretch tried to escape via 2nd true magic. Failed. Result: Zelretch is supporting third degree burns and on his back was branded the words _I will not use Kaleidoscope ever again_.

Sakuya tried to kill Mokou. Succeeded, but at the same time failed because Mokou just kept on rampaging. Result, Sakuya was forced to retreat when a table was flipped at her.

All the Magus in the tower tried to restrain Mokou. Failed. Result: Varying amount of burns among gathered Magus.

Lorelai tried to freeze Mokou. Failed. Result: Her pride was in tatters when her ice melted and she was punched in the face.

It was at that moment in which Aoko came back to the Clock Tower when Sakuya had sent her a text detailing what was happening at that moment. Aoko quickly used her 5th True Magic to blow up Mokou and the explosion was so large that it snapped Mokou back into her sane mode.

At the same time, it could be stated that the whole interior of the Clock Tower was no more due to Aoko's explosion.

Afterwards, all the still mobile Magi started to cart everyone into the infirmary room of the Clock Tower, and Aoko and several other professional Magi used their powers to heal the badly burnt victims of Mokou's rampage.

"I'm sorry" Mokou looked at the ground, "Zelretch, well, dropped me into a universe where I was, um, having sex with someone I extremely hate."

Lorelai and Aoko both sighed, and Lorelai threw an envelope straight at Mokou, who catches it. "Well, that vampire is no longer in commission in the clock tower." Lorelai smiled at Mokou, "So, even though you did kind of burnt down the Clock Tower, it is guaranteed that his pranks would no longer be at the scale that it was previously."

"Same for Remilia." Aoko nodded, "I just talked with Sakuya, and she said that Remilia had temporary swore off from pranks. She'll start pranking again when Zelretch pranks her, but until than she'll hold her peace."

Mokou opened the envelope to see a check with a number of…that's a lot of zeros. Wow, how far did these pranksters go for the Magi to offer this amount of money?

Mokou looked at the check once more, and stood up to bow to Lorelai. "Thank you so much." Mokou stated, "Now, can I return back to Japan?"

Both Aoko and Lorelai looked at each other. "Well, we could use this money to repair the Clock Tower." Aoko mused.

Lorelai nodded. "Yeah, that'll work. We'll find you a flight to Japan tomorrow. Meantime, you can stay here. Is that fine?"

Mokou shrugged. "Sure." She said, and a random thought struck her, "Oh, can you lend a magus to hypnotize my boss about my reason for being kidnapped in the middle of the day? I would like to keep my job."

* * *

 **Author's Note**

I'm sorry for such a late chapter, I was stock piling chapters to released. I just finished an extremely long touching story that took me the whole weekend to write, but yeah. Sorry.

I was watching also over and over Fate Grand Order AMV Nightmare, which was just amazing.

I had finalized what servants would be summoned, so sorry if you wanted to try and drop a review.

I'll see about uploading a chapter up tomorrow; no guarantees though.

.

.

This is RusselH, signing out!


	10. The Robbing Teacher

Chapter 9 The Robbing Teacher and Her Angry Student

.

.

.

I do not own Touhou or Fate/Stay Night

* * *

In the end, Marisa had to accept the teaching position. There were no more labs that accepted her due to her attitudes, there was no library positions, and Marisa had to get a job in Fuyuki City. So, she accepted the teaching position.

First two periods passed well, with her introducing herself to everyone and just lightly learning about their capabilities. Hmmm, they have a basic concept of how the conservation of mass works, but they do not necessarily know how to get around that rule in making new matter. She'll teach them how to use math to calculate what atoms can be created from what atom.

And of course, she met the girl whose house she broke into in third period.

That girl, Rin, also recognized her, despite her changing her outfit and wearing her glasses. For the whole period, if looks could kill, Rin would have killed Marisa a thousand times over.

Well, that girl seems to be the honor student of the academy. She answered all her questions correctly, and provided the right concept and all that was too advanced. But, it was a bit too, textbookly.

For an example, when Marisa asked her how enzymes worked, she recited word by word from her textbook, not even elaborating why it worked in the first place. In Marisa's eyes, a perfect student would work from the basics up and, using those basic concepts, prove a more advanced concept, rather than the other around.

In the period after lunch was two people in which Yukari had told her were very dear friends to Reimu. Sakura and Shirou. Sakura and Shirou, in Marisa's eyes were, completely ordinary couple who hasn't realized it yet. But, for some strange reason, when Marisa passes by Shirou, she has a strange wanting to rob whatever thing was inside Shirou. Buuuutttt this was a school, so she's not going to dissect him or anything. Yet.

The rest of the school day passed as Marisa learned everyone's name. After school, Marisa watched Shirou and Sakura in practicing archery. And than Marisa took her turn at archery.

First time doing so, and her skills rivaled Sakura's, which was relatively good in the archery world. Yeah, her ability to adapt is overpowered!

When Archery Club's practice was over, Marisa told Sakura to give a message to Reimu, saying that she has taken up a role as a teaching position. Sakura nodded, and she would do so.

It was when Archery Club had finished packing up and left for the day when Marisa decided to confront her stalker.

"So, when are you going to kill me?" Marisa said cheerfully.

"The moment you make any movement. Where's. My. Gems." There was a sharp poking motion in Marisa's back, in which she instantly recognized was Rin's hand. In a gun form.

"IN MY BAG! IN MY BAG!" Marisa shouted as she dropped her bag.

The bag instantly disappeared from Marisa's point of view as Rin started searching through her bag

"Oi, why does it have even more gems?" Rin asked.

"I was practicing how to use your jewel magic." Marisa cheerfully said.

She spent all her money gotten from Atrum on jewels, in which she later copied Rin's magic. Really, it wasn't that hard in carving the jewels. Sure, she may have wasted two thousand dollars on jewels but afterwards she managed to get the hang of it.

She was totally planning to return it with interest! She just wanted to learn how to Jewel Magecraft.

Apparently, the other girl didn't take that news lightly. "YOU'RE TRYING TO REPLICATE TOSHAKA'S JEWELCRAFT?! DO YOU KNOW HOW BAD DEFECTIVE JEWELS WILL – wow, these are really made well. How, how did you replicate it?"

"It was easy, da ze!" Marisa smiled, happy that her new master accepted her skills.

"But still," the finger jabbed painfully into Marisa's back, "You stole my jewels. You broke into my house. And worse of all, you tied me up like that. This calls for punishment, doesn't it?"

Marisa was solely tempted to escape, because this girl resembled too much like Reimu! But, she knew that escape was never an option when it comes to Reimu, so….

* * *

"Now, what is your name?"

"Marisa Kirisame, da ze!" Marisa smiled as she ate the Katsudon.

This was…amazing! She's in an interrogation room in the girl's basement, where the girl was acting as an interrogator and she the victim. And she has the Katsudon bowl even!

"What's your age?"

"Twenty-Four da ze!"

"When did you move into Fuyuki City?'

"Two years ago!"

"What's your purpose of being here in Fuyuki City?"

"I like it here. It's so nice!"

"Are you a magus?"

"I told you, I'm a witch!"

"Why are you teaching here?"

"For money!"

"Why did you break into my house?"

"Because I was walking on the roof when I fell!"

"Hmmmm. How are you able to replicate my magecraft so easily?"

"By using magic da ze!"

"You don't know what magic is, huh?"

"Isn't it just everything related to the supernatural?"

"Do you know what prana is?"

"Nope!"

"Do you know…what magecraft is?"

"Isn't that same thing as magic?"

"…Do you have a teacher in your 'magic'?"

"Another please." Marisa smiled as she finished her Katsudon bowl, "It's good!"

"I don't have another –"

"Ciao!" Marisa broke free from the binds tightening from her legs, put down a hundred yen on the table, yanked out mini-Hakkero from her bag, pointed it at the ceiling, and shouted "Love Sign Master Spark!"

A hole was burned through the metal wall, revealing the pitch black night in which Marisa summoned her broom and rode the hell out of the interrogation room.

That was such a good dinner! Now, onwards to plan for tomorrow's lesson!

* * *

Rin…lost her words. That, that witch didn't even know about the moonlit world? She, she just believed that her magecraft is just magic? That'll explain the broom and all, but, but, but.

Rin stuttered for a bit, and shook her head. Didn't matter. She could always find that girl later because she was the second owner –

Wait, that girl said that she had been living in Fuyuki for more than two years. Her mentor, Kirei-san, should have been able to sense that witch unless that witch has some kind of concealing ability that cloaks herself from the detection from other Magis.

Rin rubbed her head and sighed. If that was true, than that witch cannot be hunted down. And even if Rin tries to search for her, well.

She looked at the ceiling and let loose a groan. "SHE BLASTED MY CEILING OFF!"

* * *

Rin didn't come to school the next day because she got a cold. But at night, there was a parent teachers conference. It was…interesting of Reimu's reaction to Marisa teaching.

"Sakura was telling the truth?! How about your job, I don't know, at Atlas?"

"Fired." Marisa said simply, "My employer and I had a small disagreement."

Reimu sighed. "That makes sense. But…what doesn't make sense is that you are actually borrowing books from the library."

"Hey, I signed up for a library card and everything!" Marisa smiled, "I just simply borrowed as many books as I can as possible!"

"Oh." Reimu facepalmed, "That makes sense. Alright, no more of this talk. So, how's Sakura-chan doing at school?"

"Oh, she's doing fine. She and Shirou-san are literally a couple matched for heaven."

"Have she made any moves yet?" Reimu snickered.

"From what I saw, it's so far a one-way love that was never meant to be." Marisa easily responded back.

"Wait, you mean that Shirou loves someone else?"

"No, more like he's so dense about Sakura's affections that it'll take a century or two to get through."

Reimu sighed. "That's so entirely true. It'll be Sakura who will be making her first move, but, it's impossible for her to confess to a living being so far."

"Why?"

"Because she wouldn't even confess to a Dakimakura of Shirou! She keeps on fainting at the sight of it! I mean, it had gotten to the point that I have lock it in the Shrine's storage room."

Marisa started laughing. "Really now! Gah! I never knew it was to that point!"

"I'm planning Operation Closet." Reimu nodded, "I'm going to need your help."

"Your help in what?'

"Locking both Shirou and Sakura inside a closet, of course." Reimu deviously grinned.

"Oh, that kind of cliché found in books! I'm in!"

"Marisa-san, my name is Kirei Kotomine." A priest guy walked into the conversation, "Oh, Reimu-sama? You're here too?"

"Yeah." Reimu nodded, "Maria, meet Kirei-san, the head of the church. I never knew that Caren is attending this school as well."

"Well, she's planning to transfer next year." Kirei mused, "But I'm here on behalf of my adopted daughter, Rin. I heard that you had a little run in with her yesterday?"

Oh. He's Rin's father. So, most likely that he was a magus as well. Oh fu-

"Marisa is a Servant." Reimu said, and Kirei's eyes cleared up in understanding. "Please tell Rin that Marisa is an old acquaintance of yours."

"Of course." Kirei nodded, "I will do so. However, I heard that you blasted Rin's roof straight off?"

"Ahahah." Marisa said as Reimu directed her glare straight at Marisa, "Well, the only way out of the interrogation room in her basement was up, so I used my Noble Phantasm on it."

"Oh. That'll make sense." Kirei grinned, "That'll explain about my adoptive daughter's anger that day. That was…rather amusing to watch."

"I'll give you money-" Marisa pulled out her wallet and than realized something. "I'm sorry, I have no more money left. Perhaps-"

 _Ring Ring!_

Reimu pulled out her phone and answered it. "Hello? Oh, Mokou? Why are you calling me right now? Some people hired you to stop…Remilia and Zelretch? Zelretch pressed your berserk button, and the pranksters are out of commission? Good, this will maybe stop them from banging on my door. Oh, they gave you a lot of money? How much…wow. That's a lot. Wait, you're giving hundred million yen to me? For Sakura? Oh, okay. I'll tell her that this money is from you. You're planning to visit tomorrow? Alright. See you tomorrow."

 _Click._

"PLEASE ASK MOKOU TO GIVE ME SOME TOO!" Marisa abandoned all her pride as she grabbed Reimu and started shaking her. "I'M BROKE DA ZE!"

"You don't have to worry about that at all." Kirei raised his eyebrow in the exchange, "I already fixed it."

Marisa looked at Kirei, and sighed. "I thought I had to give you some time-"

"Although, it'll be nice to have some more money in my bank account." Kirei grinned, "After all, it was a patchup job."

"….PLEASE GIVE ME MOKOU'S CONTACT!"

Kirei started laughing as Reimu shook her head. "That'll teach you how to not to splurge all your money." Reimu ticked her tongue, "Kirei, you decide how much money she owes you."

"Hmmm, let's see. We have to redo the roof from scratch-"

"PLEASE! REIMU!"

"How did you waste your money so fast?" Reimu sighed, "Didn't you get ten million when your contract with Atrum broke?"

"I spent it all on jewels!" Marsia was on her knees, dogzeaing, "I was so in depth when I was learning how to carve into jewels that I spent all my money into it by accident?"

"Oh?" Kirei looked at Marisa, "That's why Rin stayed up the whole night yesterday. She was muttering something about impossible runes that shouldn't have worked in the first place, and brilliant mind of an idiot. That's why she couldn't go to school today, she was too tired to even walk. If that's the case, than I don't really need any payment."

"Alright." Marisa smiled, and Reimu looked at her.

"Hey, if you spent all your money on jewels, than what are you going to eat?"

"…PLEASE GIVE ME MOKOU'S NUMBER!"

"FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE NO!"

* * *

 **Author's Notice**

Oh wow, I have quite a bunch of chapters backed up. Hmm, if I'm in the mood I'll upload one tomorrow. Well, sorry for the late upload readers. Now, off to Land of Fairies and Fantasies!


End file.
